A week ago we found out that we were being pulled from South East Asia and moved to another country. We had to be moved back to a bigger city to be able to fly to the next country. The next morning we found out that we were being pulled back to the States instead of neighboring country. After a whirlwind of a few days, I am back in Wilmington.
It is not where I want to be at all. It is hard being here. I was told that I was going home, yet when I get home, it is not the home that I remember. The people I love are not meeting. There is fear everywhere. One of my favorite places that I go to unwind and relax is closed, the beach. Part of me feels lost to be honest. This is not my home.
A unexpected re-entry is not what I planned for. It is not what I spent a year preparing myself for in any way. A few days ago I was surrounded by brothers and sisters who were all connected with the same heart, to see people where they are and to share the love that we have through Jesus Christ. I never thought I would have problem with being alone, yet I am having a problem with it. I feel like I am having to rediscover a part of me that I did not even realize that I have lost.
This is a hard time, way harder than I ever thought. I was just finding my stride out on the field. I was seeing the Lord in such small ways throughout each day, that I feel like being pulled out has just made me fall face first and when I hit the ground the wind was knocked out of me.
I have taken a few days to try and gather my thoughts to try and write this blog. To be honest, there is a part of me that still does not want to write this blog. I see though how venerability during this time can do an extreme amount of good though, not just for me but for everyone. Let people know where you are at, not just during the good time, but also during the times we are just gasping for breath.
I know that this is where God wants me to be right now, but it is not where I want to be. South East Asia is where I want to be right now, not Wilmington.
Yet, during this time of uncertainty, fear, and doubt I know that this is where I need to be. My time in South East Asia has somehow prepared me to be back in America during this time (Philippians 1:12) . I am still praying and processing everything that the Lord was teaching me. The Lord has started something in my heart during my short time in South East Asia, and being back in the States will not stop what was started. I will be used by the Lord where ever I am.
I am praying for my next step. I do not know when it will be or too where. But we are not done with what was started. The Lord does not leave loose ends, what he started he will bring to completion. Even in the chaos of the world, my heart, and mind I still feel His goodness, love, and peace washing over me each day.
I will be posting more about my time in South East Asia soon, but for know I did just want to give a little update on just where I am at.
Lets pray, pray hard. Lets be the people who dont just say we will pray, but lets be the people who get on our knees and plead with the Lord Almighty. He hears each one of our prayers.
Love Joe.
