There are many things I struggle with as a Christian. Loving everyone the way Jesus did, humility, pride, temptation. Everyone is weighed down by sin at some point. Personally there have been times when I felt invincible, on fire for Jesus, and so fulfilled with purpose that I didn’t think I could move anything but forward. And then slowly a sin is revealed in my life. At first it seems like nothing because things are going so great that it’s easy to minimize it, and then it slowly builds and becomes an obstacle to living living a life that glorifies God. But instead of dealing with my faults and changing what needs to be fixed, I continue on with life and hope that my problems will sort out on its own. But that never happens. Every time I wait until I am completely broken by my sin before I ask for God’s help. I wait until I am in a place where I feel helpless and know that I can’t take control or fix anything on my own and I have no option but to call out to God to rescue me.
Luckily our God is full of love and mercy and He has always showed up to save me. God is so great, and continually reveals His true identity. But there have been times after I found salvation when starting over seemed impossible. I try to live my life to honour God, and I hope others will see the way I live and wonder how Jesus can change lives. But it is so easy to be discouraged and believe that all you have worked for was broken with your mistakes.
However you are never really starting from scratch. It might seem that way, but we shouldn’t be doing good things for our own image or to get a reputation, but instead we do these things because it glorifies God. We don’t have to worry about starting from scratch because God was never counting. He isn’t impressed by how much we do, but He is glorified when we do everything out of love for Him.
I used to be concerned with what people thought of me, specifically how I represented Christ. I think it is important that we all try to reflect Jesus in the way we live but not when you begin to lie about what you are struggling with so you seem like you have it all together because in reality nobody does. I heard so many times that it’s important to admit to our sins and tell people we trust so we can be encouraged, prayed for, and know we are not alone. Every time someone said this one specific thing came to mind. Something I have been struggling with on and off for a long time but I never had the courage to tell anyone. One of the reasons is because there have been times when I was sure I had let go of the sin and I didn’t want to tell people about something I had already dealt with. And the second reason is because I didn’t want anyone to think any less of me, and my own pride had stopped me from listening to what God was telling me to do. But recently I decided none of that matters. I have decided to follow Jesus and if life is all about living for God then it doesn’t matter how I look to anyone else.
For the first time I chose to listen to God and take that opportunity He had given me to share my sins and bring it out of the dark. For a while now, I have been feeling good about where things have been going and good about the decisions I have been making, but I didn’t want to tell God I had had finally surrendered my sins to Him when I haven’t been able to in the past. I didn’t know how to face God when I was aware of all the times I have let Him down. So this time when God gave me the opportunity to share my struggles I did. I was honest and I feel an incredible sense of freedom. A huge weight is lifted off my shoulders and I finally feel like I can’t hide in my sin any more. Now that it was brought out of the darkness it is a lot harder to turn to. I was so worried about being judged or looked down on, but being a Christian isn’t about being perfect or having it all together. Being a Christian and growing with God is about realizing our need for a saviour, and giving everything to Jesus because He has given us what we absolutely do not deserve.
