As you can imagine, if you are in the Philippines with 13 other people there is bound to be some awesome ministry, sweet adventures, and plenty of stories to pass around. Crossing the halfway point into the month and there’s already enough chaos to create a blog that you can’t stop reading. Here you go: the top 12 quotes of the month each with a mini-story to fill you in! Enjoy!
12. “AAHHHHHH!!! Get that battery out of the monkey’s mouth!!”
Well, you guys should probably first know that we have two pet monkeys here on the property of Aninuan Christian Church. The female monkey is tied up to a ring which slides along a bamboo rod in between two trees. The male monkey is free to roam the property, and because of the female monkey, it usually doesn’t go far. Anyways, one morning we’re doing some manual labor and we got the music cranking, we’re jamming, working hard- and then the music dies. Sarah Miller runs down to the hut, grabs some new batteries, and puts them in- leaving the old battery next to the music player! Next thing we know, we see the monkey running around that area and then he puts something in his mouth. You guessed it, it was the battery. Sarah starts screaming, I immediately grab the monkey so it doesn’t escape and swallow the battery. Too late, as the monkey swallows and the battery is lodged in its throat. I run to Ryan Graydon., who simultaneously pushes the battery up his throat on the inside of the monkey while reaching IN his mouth trying to retrieve it. After much chaos and shouting and drama, the battery came out and everyone was relieved. Since that minor incident we have to watch what objects we leave in open space!
(our awesome pet monkey)
11. “Can you give me another bucket of water so I can flush this toilet?”
We’ve been blessed this month, there’s no doubt about that! Most of the time this month we’ve had hot showers, wifi, and a halfway decent washing machine. These amenities are luxurious compared to the first four months of the race. It still cracks me up that we always have to bring a bucket of water to the bathroom with us in order to flush. Sometimes, after a big meal especially, we may even need more than one bucket of water in order to completely flush.
(This is the toilet that I use)
10. “I’m a certified, experienced, and properly licensed backhoe operator.”
So as far as physical labor goes, at first our ministry wanted us to transplant grass before the terrain was tore up by the backhoes and heavy machinery. We transplanted grass for the morning, meanwhile, the backhoe was delivered and started to tear up the ground where the new school would be built. At times it can be hard for me to concentrate on a task for extended periods of time, so moving grass was taking a toll on me. I thought it would be cool to operate this backhoe, as I had never done it before. I started talking with the construction crew as we watched the backhoe dig up the terrain. He asked if I knew how to operate one of those� and I jokingly told him I did. At least I thought it was jokingly. He thought I was serious and five minutes later I found myself behind the controls. I had no clue in the world what I was doing, but as long as I’m confident it appears I can do anything in the world. I thanked God immediately, as there were only 3 levers- this couldn’t be that hard! I tested out the controls and then started digging. Long story short, it took me only about 10 minutes to get the hang of what I was doing. I explained to him when I was finished that the controls were backwards in the Philippines, in America it’s different and that’s why I was so slow. And 10 minutes after that I explained to him I’ve never operated a backhoe and had no idea what I was doing. We both laughed and then each had a glass of juice.
(This is what did not happen)
(This is what happened. Look at that perfect form!)
9. “March! What up buddy? How are you?”
“March? I thought that his name was Mark?”
“JoJo (our contact) said that his name was March!”
“But his mom said it was Mark!”
This is one of the ongoing discussions between our two teams. March or Mark and JM are the two boys that hang out frequently within the church grounds. JM has a clearly defined name and clearly defined smile that we enjoy daily. March or Mark is a different story. Ask this young boy for his name, and he will say a name that sounds in between March and Mark. It’s very difficult to get a clear answer. Some of our team will say they heard March, others are positive he’s saying Mark. He responds to both of his names if you say it loud enough and always responds with a huge laugh or smile. He not only will play games with us, but he and JM will even help us with our physical labor. Both these boys are an inspiration to me: why am I not smiling that big every moment of my life?
(Mark. or March)
(helping with the brush fire)
8. “Sarah, why did you give your iPhone to the ocean?”
My friend and teammate Sarah Miller loves the ocean and her iPhone. One evening we were doing beach ministry at White Beach which is about 10 minutes from our house. Sarah was walking along the beach with Natasha holding her 6 month old iPhone 4S. As they were walking, they didn’t notice that the waves started to get a bit bigger than normal, and the tide was very high. All of a sudden, a huge wave came crashing down, catching them at the waist. They screamed and ran towards the boardwalk. As they caught their breath and noticed how wet they were, Sarah also realized something a bit more drastic and important. HER IPHONE WAS NOW IN THE OCEAN. We swept the beach in hopes of seeing the phone when the waves crept back into the ocean, but it was to no avail- the phone was gone. Sarah’s next iPhone will be attached to a lanyard which will always be around her neck. We are praying for Sarah as she goes through the proper mourning and grieving processes.
(As you can see from my diagram, the phone went into the ocean and has yet to be found.)
7. “What’s your name?”
“Jochem.”
“Oh, okay.”
“So, what’s my name?”
Laughing, talking amongst themselves, mumbling.
“Jochem. Say it with me. Jochem. Jochem. Jochem.”
“Jochem.”
“Good! See that wasn’t too hard was it?”�
I absolutely love ministering in small towns and villages that are fairly unreached. The people in those villages love having foreigners and are very welcoming and encouraged by visits. Every Saturday while we’ve been in the Philippines, we’ve been doing Children’s Church in small, unreached areas. Usually we sing, do a Bible study, color in a picture, and then play a game. Typical stuff. Before doing all this though, we will introduce ourselves to all of the children as well as any adults there. Ryan, Chelsea, Sarah- all common names and the children have no problem reciting them. Then I introduce myself, and the children don’t know what to think. I have recently started having anybody and everybody repeat my name after I introduce myself to them to make sure they know my name. It’s working well so far!
6. “As far as ministry this week, I’m going to need you guys to do some physical labor in the mornings. The transplanting of sod should take about 2 or 3 days. After that, you guys can start to weed our 2,000+ pineapple plants.”
Yes that’s right. 2,000+ pineapple plants were weeded on the church grounds combining 14 always-cheerful American missionaries. What more can I say? Life is not always paradise here in the Philippines.
(pineapple crop)
5. “Mechanic? Mechanic? Mechanic? Anyone? Help!! My chain fell off!!!”
Last Monday was our free day off from ministry, and our team minus Chelsea decided to take a day trip to Calapan City with motorcycles. After rounding up three motorcycles, six helmets, and receiving several warnings about the dangers of the hairpin turns, we were off. We left at 11AM expecting an hour and a half trip. After about 20 minutes of riding, Ryan Graydon’s bike had a flat. While we were getting it fixed, we noticed that Ryan Mindling’s tube was bad also. No problem, things like this happen. We get both of them replaced. We ride another 30 minutes or so, stopping at Tamaraw Falls for pictures. It’s there where I realize that key of my bike has fallen out of the ignition. The bike obviously is still running, but won’t shut off unless I stall it out. We backtrack 25 minutes until we see the key laying on the road. We’re off again, 45 minutes later; Ryan Mindling’s bike gets ANOTHER flat tire. It’s cool; we get that fixed and leave again. It begins to rain steadily after we leave. The girls are shivering as they are sitting behind us on the bikes. All of a sudden, the chain from my bike FALLS OFF THE SPROCKET. It’s all good- I put the bike in neutral and hang on to a tricycle as he drives me to a mechanic. An hour later we’re in Calapan City at about 5PM. We go to McDonalds and the mall and have a great time.
(old sprocket was a little round)
(Mechanic at work!)
4. “So the typhoon is coming tonight then?”
At the mall we get a call from Pastor Al saying he is coming to escort us home because there is bad weather. We questioned that because the sky looked fine, but respected his desire to come. The girls rode in the truck and Ryan M and I took the two bikes; Ryan G. had gone back earlier. We followed Pastor Al in the truck. Literally ten minutes outside of the city and it starts to rain, downpour, HARD. We’re using hands as visors to block the rain, and soon riding through some puddles that got our ankles wet. We couldn’t see more than 25 feet ahead of us and we were thankful that there was very little traffic. We got home safely and looking like we had fallen into a swimming pool because we were so wet. And that’s the quick story about how Ryan M and I drove motorcycles 2+ hours in typhoon-like conditions.
(Typhoon like conditions, I’m telling you. What almost happened to me is on the right.)
3. “Do you think that they understood anything that I just said?”
As you may have already seen or heard, I gave my first legit sermon here at Aninuan Christian Church on Sunday, January 13, 2013. I preached on the topic that Jesus knows our pain, and that he has gone through everything on earth that we have gone through. I talked for about 20 minutes to more than 900 Philippine people. I’ve witnessed a lot worse, but the congregation that was there wasn’t too involved in the sermon or with what was going on. I prayed and hoped for the best that my English would come across well to these people. The next Wednesday, during the evening prayer meeting, I had the privilege of praying for some members of the congregation in front of the church along with other members of our team. As I asked the men what they wanted prayer for, they looked at me blankly. I asked again, but to no avail. Pastor Al came and translated and then I prayed for them. After the service I talked with Ryan M about what had happened and what had probably happened last week. Pray for amazing communication and no language barriers as I will be preaching again next week, our last Sunday in the beautiful Philippines.
(I pray my words went through, but unfortunately I think this is what they were!)
(1,000+ to hear God’s Word on a given Sunday)
2. “Is that pig blood on your arm?”
Yes, it was pig blood. Our neighbor next to the church is a pig slaughterer: he kills pigs and sells the meat and other organs to people who place orders with him. He invited all of us guys to watch what he does and we all had a chance to help with the process. If the pig is big enough, wack him with a 4X4 so he is unconscious, slit its throat, cleaning the hair off the inside, cleaning its insides, and cutting to size. It’s a delicate process that takes just over an hour and gives our neighbor a chance to make an income to support himself and his family.
1. It’s too hot in the Philippines.”� Said no one ever.
“The food sucks in the Philippines.” Said no one ever.
“I hate the beaches here.” Said no one ever.
“The people are rude here.” Said no one ever.
“The sun hurts my skin.”� Said no one ever.
“The ministry is so repetitive.”� Said no one ever.
This month in the Philippines has been one of the best months of the race- for me and for many people in i-Squad. The weather is beautiful- warm, but not too hot. The food is delicious, plentiful, and varied. The beach is 10 minutes away and wonderful on a Sunday afternoon. The people here are some of the most hospitable and friendly people I’ve seen in my travels. The ministry we do is exciting, fun, and rewarding. I’ve heard a lot of people say they want to set up camp here after the race is finished. The number one thing that draws me in is the people though. SO nice, SO friendly, SO inviting. Though some of the houses don’t even have walls, they are inviting us to share a meal with them.
NO PROBLEMS!
