As I sit in the Bismarck, ND airport, ready to make my way to Atlanta, GA for training camp, my fickle heart has made a mission of finding every possible reason to panic. The word that keeps repeating in my head is under. I am underprepared. I am under-qualified. I am not confident nor competent enough to undertake this. I know next to nothing about camping, backpacking, or living life on the mission field and surely everyone will see that. Surely they will see me as a weak link or a burden.
This doubt is a running theme throughout my life. The belief that I am incompetent is something I have struggled with since childhood. I have, until recently, lived a life of fear. Of comparison. I was constantly frightened that the people around me would see through my facade and realize that I was a fraud. I believed that if they looked closely enough they would find that I was not capable of handling whatever task was in front of me well. On the flip side, I held everyone else in high esteem. I was convinced that while incapable, incompetent, and insignificant were the words that applied to my person; capable, competent, and confident were the words best suited for my peers.
I was blind to the truth. The truth is this: I am competent because my Lord makes me competent. That my God doesn’t make mistakes. He does not call His children to spread His gospel and leave them to their own devices. He loves His kids and He takes good care of them. Even though there may be some truth in me being underprepared and under-qualified, God is quite the opposite. And I rely on His strength. His strength and power that is made perfect in my weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)
Where I do have shortcomings, there are opportunities for growth and learning. Opportunities to be stretched. Opportunities for me to lean into the perfect power of Christ. Opportunities for my dear brothers and sisters to help me and encourage me and teach me.
I am UNDERprepared. I am UNDER-qualified. And I am UNDER my sweet, sweet Savior’s protection, authority and guidance.
