If I had a dollar for every time I told someone I’d pray for them and then either forgot or simply didn’t, I’d have an unfortunate amount of dollars.
One of my goals for the Race was to stop functioning from a place of apathy. If you knew the Joanna who left the States back in January, you knew me as a “do-er.” I’m always doing something (and the Race has really been growing me in stillness and quietness, but that’s another blog for another time). But as much of a “do-er” as I am, these past six months have made me incredibly aware of my own spiritual apathy – especially when it comes to prayer. There have been SO MANY TIMES that I have fallen into the trap of “God’s got it” that I don’t even bother to pray for things anymore. Don’t get me wrong; trusting the Lord is great, and I’m so thankful that the Holy Spirit has been working in me to take my heart from an anxious knot of a mess into a heart that trusts the Lord and His plan. But there are times when it has seemed like I’ve tried to move so far away from anxiety that I have crossed the line into apathy. This whole thing has made me really curious as to this relationship between trust, apathy, anxiety, and sloth.
I’ve done a bit of research and wanted to share what I found.
This relationship caught my interest when I was listening to a podcast about the concept of sloth. We know sloth as one of the Seven Deadly Sins, and most times, we equate sloth with laziness. We think of “sloth” and think of literal sloths, just creeping along in the trees and sleeping the majority of the day (side note, I have a theory as to why sloths move so slowly like they do; ask me about it one day). And so the list of Deadly Sins goes Envy, Gluttony, Greed, Lust, Pride, Wrath, and Sloth/Laziness. Yikes. You mean that me not wanting to get out of bed until 11 am is up there on the list with lust, pride, and other things that we watch creep into people’s lives and destroy them from the inside out? And those afternoons when I just really don’t want to go to the gym… that’s equated with stormy wrath and green-eyed envy? How do you know if you’re “doing enough” to avoid sloth? What’s the gauge there?
And I started doing some research, and found that the word used for “sloth” doesn’t actually mean laziness in the terms that we think it does. The Greek word that we’ve translated into “sloth” is actually the word “acedia.” Acedia doesn’t mean not wanting to get off the couch to change the channel on the TV. Acedia means spiritually checking out, which can be done in a multitude of ways; keeping yourself busy, numbing yourself (I once heard someone refer to acedia as “spiritual morphine”), allowing boredom to grow, praying and worshipping without fervor, “going through the motions”, etc.
Kathleen Norris wrote an excellent article on acedia, and explains that “acedia [manifests] as boredom and restlessness, inertia and workaholism, as well as reluctance to commit to a person, a group of people,” or to the Lord and the things that He ACTIVELY calls us into choosing.
Acedia is spiritual apathy, and it is SO dangerous. I’ve seen this in my own life; “Travel Day” on the Race becomes another day on a long bus instead of an opportunity to stand in WONDER of the Lord and His creation. Ministry becomes just another day of VBS or being at a church, instead of a chance to really pour into GOD’S PEOPLE and look after orphans and widows in their distress. Can you imagine what would happen if I allowed this acedia to fester, allowed this apathy to grow? These incredible things would become routine, these amazing people would be normalized, and this beautiful world would become bland. Acedia and apathy are DANGEROUS, friends.
There are 2 (or 3, depending on how you count) responses to acedia and apathy from which we have the option of choosing. The first is, of course, to stay apathetic, lazy, slothful, and in essence, to remain apathetic about our apathy (I was reading an article called “Apathy… Who Cares?” which is humorous but also really hits the point home). The second is to go from the one extreme that is apathy to the other extreme that is anxiety, either in thought or deed. I’ve definitely been there. Even in the times that I haven’t even realized I’ve been saying it to myself, my mindset has focused around the idea of, “Ok, well I definitely don’t want to be apathetic and passive, so I’m going to let this situation or person or idea be my highest driver. This situation or person or idea has full power to influence me.” And most often, that results in anxiety or worry (especially in the area of prayer). I’m praying for these people who NEED healing and NEED Jesus and NEED the Presence and, oh my gosh, what’s going to happen to them? Jesus, please do something pleasepleaseplease. And Jesus, I HAVE to DO something. What do you want me to do? I’ll do this and this and thisandthisandthis and now I’m exhausted but it’s ok because people are in need so I have to ACT RIGHT THIS SECOND. And I’ve tried to distance myself from acedia and apathy so much that I’ve found myself in the land of anxiety.
A lot of people think that the opposite of apathy is anxiety. But I think it’s fair and Biblical to note that the opposite of apathy IS NOT anxiety. And sometimes, we see what’s going on in politics or the world at large or the lives of those we care about or or own personal lives and we say try to “care” a whole lot, either in thought or deed. I’ve seen it happen; we are so opposed to doing “nothing” that we try to do “everything.” For some of us (like in my own life), it looks like anxiety and total mental consumption. For some of us (like in my own life), it looks like business and always trying to do SOMETHING to remedy the situation. We drive ourselves crazy trying to do something, anything, so that we’re not just sitting there being lazy and apathetic. But it can’t just be those two options, can it? There’s got to be a healthier, more Christ-centered option.
So if the opposite of acedia and apathy isn’t anxiety (either in thought or action), then what is it? What’s the third option?
My thoughts are that it’s ACTIVELY trusting the Lord. It’s the part of trust that apathy doesn’t involve; it’s trust + action. It’s choosing to pray HARD for the healing and salvation and comfort, and trusting, even when it doesn’t feel like it, that God is supreme and Lord over all, but still constantly being in prayer because it’s what we’re commanded to do (Philippians 4:6). It’s loving and serving, not because it’ll get us points or because we want to stay busy enough that we feel like we’re doing some sort of good, but doing so to serve the Lord and not man (James 1:27 + Colossians 3:23). It’s actively choosing to give those anxieties over to the Lord (Matthew 6:26-34) but still physically and spiritually stepping forward in faith and trust.
Reread Colossians 3:23; it’s WORKING for the Lord and not for men. It’s doing HARD work, like so many Biblical accounts of men and women that the Lord honored, and sweating and getting off the couch and doing the good WORK that is set before us (Hebrews 12:1-2). It’s operating WITH and WITHIN the Lord, partnering alongside Him in thought, prayer, word, and deed, all the while remembering that the world will know us by the fruit that we produce (Matthew 7:15-20). And apathetic fruit tastes rotten. And anxious fruit tastes sour. But the fruit that is produced when we’re living WITH and WITHIN the Lord, WITH and WITHIN His Presence… Now that’s some tasty fruit.
