This morning, we arrived (back) at the Bangkok YWAM base for three days of LDW (Leadership Development Workshops) before we head out to Albania (via ROME, heyo!). This month was beautiful, and long, and so good, and so hard, and so full of deep conversation and vulnerability and prayer and laughter and JESUS! I want to share a little bit of the Jesus part, and then I’ll explain a little more about what we did this month.
So, this guy named Kyle Idleman wrote this book called Not a Fan, and I personally think that everyone ever should read it. It walks through some “case studies” of what it means to be a fan of Jesus, which is basically someone who loves Him for what He can provide, versus a follower, which is someone who is in it for the long haul, who is willing to really place Jesus as their #1 priority and truly give up everything, comparatively hating their mother and father and brothers and sisters (Luke 14:26) and being willing to take up their cross (literally an instrument of death) and say YES to the Lord. Idleman says something about halfway through the book that I haven’t been able to get out of my mind: “The idea isn’t that Jesus comes first place in this race for your affection and devotion. What Jesus wants is more accurately understood by picturing a race for first place in your life where He is the only one on the track. He isn’t saying ‘I want to be first place in your life.’ He’s saying, ‘I don’t even want there to be a second place.’ …Jesus makes it clear. He wants to be your one and only.”
Combine all that with the book Don’t Waste Your Life by John Piper (and his podcasts, all of which are absolutely mind-blowingly awesome), and add the important fact that God DOES speak to his children even when they’re sinful and selfish and totally don’t deserve direct communication with the Lord of the universe (because all that is so true of me), and you get some incredible revelations straight from the Father. And for me, that has looked like God showing me that I haven’t been all in. I’ve been an A+ fan, but at the end of the day, I’ve shown up for the blessings, the smiles, the free loaves and fish, and then I’ve gone home. Which, let me just say, is completely possible on the Race. The Race forces you to show up physically, but it doesn’t in any way force you to show up spiritually. You can go through your entire 11 months on the Race and only show up for the free loaves and fish.
And that’s what SO much of my life has looked like. I came into the Race with a walk with the Lord that was completely defined by my emotions and my feelings. If I was feeling sad, I would ask Jesus for help. If I was feeling happy, I would thank Jesus. And if I was fine, I wouldn’t talk to Him. I only communicated with Him when I felt like I needed something. And what started at Training Camp back on October and is still continuing is a transition from a relationship based on the turbulence of emotions to Truth and Faith and knowing that God is God and God is Good, EVEN WHEN I don’t feel it… EVEN THOUGH I don’t always feel it. And in that, Jesus has called me to abandon things and deliver things into His hands.
He’s called me to give up control, control, assumptions about the future (read: assumptions about my career, assumptions about marriage, assumptions about my location, etc.), and He’s let me know that if I really choose to be a follower and not a fan, the world is going to HATE me for it. Like that friend who is into really lame music and you always give them smack whenever the play the music over the loudspeakers… Yea, that’s what it’s like when you choose to be a follower. The world doesn’t get this, you guys. The world doesn’t get it when you tell them you’re good with just one or two beers. The world doesn’t get it when you tell them that you’re not into sleeping around. The world doesn’t get it when you tell them you want to move back to your hometown or your college town or a town on the other side of the world that no one’s ever heard of to preach the Gospel and dive into community and love the people in your neighborhood.
This life God is calling me into, that He’s calling US into, doesn’t make sense to the world. But you know what God has been so faithful to show me? IT’S SO WORTH IT! We have this saying on the Race that “you can do anything for 30 days,” and in the grand scheme, we can do anything for 50/60/70/80 years, because after that, we get to spend eternity with our TRUE LOVE being fully satisfied and sustained and saturated in the light and the glory of the Father. This lifetime goes by in a blink, and I would so much rather spend it as a sold-out, unashamed follower of the Lord than a fan who has to listen to God say that He doesn’t know me at the end of my life (Luke 9:26). I can’t imagine any other way. My name is Joanna, and thanks to the grace of Jesus Christ, I am not a fan.
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So, that was a lot. Thank you so much for following along! This month honestly involved a little bit of everything; house and prayer visits, prison ministry (see “Out of Prison, Into Freedom” to hear more about that day!), and teaching ESL, which we did for our last two weeks. We went to four different schools, and I was able to work with 5th and 6th graders at each of the four schools. I was mind-blown by the courtesy with which the school staff treated us. They were so kind and seemed to thankful to have us at their schools! My favorite school was the last one we visited; at one point, we were sitting around playing “Down By the Banks of the Hanky Panky” and I was trying to explain that river banks are different from money banks, and it felt like I was back teaching in a school in the States and holding a normal conversation with my students. It was a sweet God moment and He gave all of us so much energy and peace throughout the entirety of those two weeks, even though we were exhausted and struggled with having good attitudes about teaching the alphabet/phonics/nouns and verbs/whatever we were teaching *yet again*. Talk about the strength of the Lord made perfect in our obvious, very apparent weaknesses.
On our last ministry day, we were able to attend a prayer meeting where four different churches from south-central Thailand were represented. We prayed for everyone from the Thai government down to police officers and teachers, and were given time to intercede for the pastors and church members of the different churches. It was a wonderful time of fellowship and presenting very real needs to the Lord, and I trust that He’s going to (continue to) move in very real ways!
Stay tuned for updates about next month, more R1:16 blogs, and more!
