Here’s my first official blog post (post WR acceptance)… So here’s the update you’ve ALL been dying to hear. Right? No, I won’t give myself that much credit. This one’s for you grandma.
I’ll fill you guys in what the Lord is doing in my heart and mind.
Training camp was a time of spiritual stretching, growth, and freedom. One more wonderful snapshot of the kingdom of heaven coming together in joyful communion, straining for the same thing.
I really enjoyed meeting and becoming close to my squad, as well as getting assigned to my team!
There are some extremely wonderful people heading on this same journey and it will be a blessing to serve with them. My teammates on Team Kaleidoscope are Esther Song, Jonathan Manning, Megan Haley, Emily Gates, and Brittni Wisner – and me.
One of my wonderful teammates, Emily, wrote a blog about our team and I will direct you to her blog for more information on each one of us!
http://emilygates.theworldrace.org/post/kaleidoscopes-and-beautiful-souls
I hope you can get through my writing. I have a tendency to get distracted, go on tangents, randomly talk about things that have no immediate relevance…. and assume everybody is tracking with me, when in reality, I sound like an intellectual toddler trying to slurp up cheerios, so I will try my best keep things somewhat sane.
I am humbled to be a participant in the ultimate race – not just the World Race, although that is a part of my race now, but the race I am running with each of you brothers and sisters. I pray that you see the gravity of the race and you can understand the true extent to which Jesus matters; in our lives personally, collectively as human beings, and holistically for the entire fallen universe – both now and to the end of time… These are infinite scales being used and I still do not comprehend the fullness of Jesus worth – but the more I grow into the knowledge and understanding of who Jesus is, the more I am filled with the love for all people and desire to make Him known. Yes, it is for loves sake I want to make Him known; not for the sake of fear – I desire that all people can have a REAL intimate connection with the Creator of the Universe and I desire all people to be saved. Wouldn’t you tell the people you love about the oil fields beneath their home after you had had your living room flood with liquid gold? The saving grace of Jesus has been of much more value than 1000’s of oil fields and it is a never ending spring; so let us embrace the call together and bring this wonderful news to those who will listen. I’m forever thankful for the gift which has eternally paid my debts to the giver.
Now there are many times in my walk with Jesus where I have had to experience something I didn’t feel comfortable doing. Recently, I had an experience that was extremely uncomfortable, yet in stepping into this place and giving up my facade of security, my real Security met me… and frankly, the semblance of embarrassment, uncertainty, and lack of comfort were overshadowed by the Joy of the Lord and His deeper peace that surpasses all understanding.
My most recent uncomfortable experience came from actually listening and being obedient to what God was telling me. In fact it was more than uncomfortable, it was downright hard, humbling, and confusing. I didn’t want to do what He was asking me to do. Isn’t that interesting?? I mean, that’s nothing new I suppose, but I straight up was afraid and tried to convince myself that He wasn’t serious. Or that I was just making things too serious. “What would my friends think? What if I say something wrong?” What if, what if, what if…Obviously, that’s nothing new either.. If I am the only one who has experienced those thoughts, then I’m missing something here. However, I don’t believe I am alone in my tendency to over analyze what the Holy Spirit is asking of me at times. OR I put WAY too much emphasis on my role/abilities or lack thereof… I mean, news flash – the Kingdom of God is by no means hinged upon how well I obey. Or how perfectly I present the Gospel. In fact, without me, the Gospel is going to continue to explode brilliantly, and praise God for that fact! Yet the workers are few, and if I am truly a follower of Jesus, I will set my heart on doing what I see Him doing. I yearn to be a part of the blessings in our Great Commission, along with the sufferings, but rather simply, I yearn to be with Jesus. I want to know His thoughts all the time and I want to be the type of man that jumps when He says jump – I don’t want to be the man who says “well how long should I jump?” or “This wood looks rotten, do you really want me to jump here?”
The apostles weren’t exactly given a total explanation and blueprint of what would happen when they were obedient to Jesus. Last time I checked, neither were they the epitome of perfect faith, yet Jesus was still their Savior. Jesus told them to trust Him, and He says these same things to us.. He said the sufferings would be deep, the eternal blessings would be deeper – and the rich rewards of following Jesus awaken in us as soon as we begin to follow Him.
Read this passage from Matthew 14:22-32 –
Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. 23After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, 24and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.
25Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.
27But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
28“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
29“Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
31Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
Now first off; the very that Peter stepped out of the boat is amazing. Astounding that he exhibited that kind of courage – however, the courage was not his own. He took that courage from Jesus, like he was told… However, He wanted to be with Jesus more fully than he was at that current moment. At that moment, Peter could have “taken” courage, and been simply been encouraged that Jesus was on the lake, that they would be fine, etc… He could have just sat back and chilled, in faith. He wanted to be WITH Jesus. He didn’t want to just be near Him. He didn’t settle for seeing Jesus out in the waves. He wanted to be with Jesus, and Jesus was NOT in the makeshift, human-made security of the boat.
Jesus was out on the frothing sea, walking in the middle of a storm.
He asked Jesus to command him to come out on the stormy sea, and when Jesus did, Peter acted. I envy this kind of faith – and it is interesting, even with the faith to walk out on a stormy sea to the God of All Oceans, Peter became afraid and doubted… yet Jesus was right there to save Peter of course, and He is always there, even when we doubt…
However, I believe doubting when we are living in complacency is very different from doubting when we are acting in faith. When we are acting in faith, yes, we open the door for abuse, slander, rejection, uncomfortable situations, awkwardness, outright scorn, being considered stupid or foolish, and a slew of other less than enjoyable things… and we may doubt at times… However, through that same open door pours out innumerable eternal blessings, joy, peace, new life, love, growing trust, deeper hope, deeper wisdom, and a deeper walk with Jesus. When we are living in a complacent faith, settling for the rickety wooden boat, we miss out on the adventure and joy of actually being with Jesus, and settle for a wild, sickening ride with your first hope of security being a boat made from human hands. Sure, maybe you are still saved at the end. Maybe your faith was authentic – but who can tell when you are settling for riding the waves of life with the rest of the world when you are more than able to walk through them with Jesus? I cannot be the judge, the Lord knows our hearts. Remember, I don’t mean simply, “relying” on Jesus when times get tough. I mean something bigger. I mean being so secure in Jesus that, if called, would boldly walk with Him into a situation where you know you could die, like Peter did that day – Ask Him; “If it IS you Lord, tell me to come out of the boat!” Would one who is not willing to risk the small things (reputation, financial stability, comfort, etc.) for the sake of the Cross, would that one ever die for His sake? Maybe. I’m not sure. I just know I need to continue being trained in obedience, regardless of what I think I could “do” for Jesus sake – and He will give me the courage and ability with whatever storm we are walking into.
Tell me, what is more exciting?? Watching somebody walk with Jesus from the security of a wooden boat at sea?? Or walking with Him yourself, through the waves, with the God-man who has control over the very scientific laws He created?
I want to walk on water, and I know there will be times I begin to sink in the waves – but I also know I cannot drown with Jesus there always grasping my hand. Pray I can jump out of the boat as quickly as He calls me to.
Father, please prepare me more God! Please strengthen me to do your will! Please get rid of my impure motives, my fears, and all insecurities – and give me the courage to step out even if my fears are not yet gone. Please do the same for all our brothers and sisters who are striving for you as well Jesus. Amen.
