XSFJ, that is my Myers Briggs personality type. Much of my personally lends itself to order, facts, and planning. I am a 19 out of 20 points a J. I prefer a planned or orderly way of life, like to have things settled and organized, feel more comfortable when decisions are made, and like to bring life under control as much as possible. . .FACT! Let’s but honest though, that is HARD TO DO on the World Race. So much of life and the day to day is completely unplanned, times change, schedules differ, and sometimes people just plain don't show up, and that is all ok. I have learned how to handle this while being on the Race.
I clearly remember being in Antigua, Guatemala and walking by a lady who was sitting at a loom weaving bright beautiful colors into a blanket. It was incredible to watch all of the threads come from their own places and form into the pattern that the lady had chosen to weave. All of those threads, unraveled on the floor being made into something new.
The World Race has unraveled me. It has exposed my past. My faults, sins, hurts, walls all laid bare for people to see. God unraveled my “put together life” and showed me just how “untogheter” it all really was. Slowly thread by thread He has been putting me back together, pulling out the thread colors that just didn't belong and replacing them with the new. I thought that at the end of 11 months I might have a brand new blanket to show off and say I know what I am doing and it is grand. The truth is, parts of the blanket aren’t finished and they won't be finished when I step off the field. So many of my team mates know what they are doing once the Race is over. Many are leading Passport teams in January, some are headed back on the Race to squad lead, some have job offers even, and then the are some of us who just don’t know. I am there.
What am I doing after the Race? I DON’T KNOW. There is said it, now you know. People ask me all the time like I should have some grand plan, but I don’t, at least not yet. I have prayed about the options that have come my way, but nothing has pulled on my heart. I recently sat in an international church service and listened as the pastor spoke about Jonah. One thing that he said really struck me hard though. I had been struggling internally with not having it all together with not know what was next, with not having a plan. I AM A PLANNER what is wrong with me I kept thinking. The words that the pastor said hit me, he said, “God will not give you a second command until you complete the first one He gave you.” Maybe that message was for no one else but me that night, but it was what I needed to hear. I have to finish off what He called me to first. . . The World Race, before He will give me the next command. I have been looking and trying to figure out where I fit after the Race, but I don’t have to. I can be half unraveled because God is still finishing something He started.
What I do know is that I have an incredible Dad, Mom, sister, and brother-in-law that I get to go home and love on. That is where I feel called right now. I have the opportunity to be a new daughter and sister to people whom I have tried to hide from for years. I have a heart that has been renewed and made fresh and it wants to start over and for that I am most excited about. Just because my personality says I am a J, doesn't mean that I have to have it all planned out every step of the way. That is where my heavenly Father steps in. The journey is never over once my feet leave the field, but this season will be and I am walking boldly into the next.
