Being 25 and looking back at life, I thought that by now my life would look different. I thought that life would have me married by now, in a stable job that I loved, with a baby on the way, in a starter home that I was making my own. Sounds like the beginning of the “American Dream”. If you looked at my life, you might ask me what I am doing or why I have not pursued all of this, if it is what I want. Believe me, I have asked the same question to myself plenty of times.
If I have learned anything over 25 years, it is this; my plans never go as I have planned. Just even looking back to the beginning of this year, I had engagement rings picked out and was months from an engagement, rapidly looking through houses to buy. It all fell apart and now I am here, single, trying to love God with all I have, headed on the World Race for the next year of my life. Was this what I had planned? No! Not at all, but it was what God had planned.
Years ago, I committed my life to God. I told Him I would go wherever He called me and wherever He needed me to go, even if it meant risking my life to follow Him. Those are some of the most difficult words I have ever spoken, I remember sitting there in tears the night I said them . . . my life would never be the same, and there was no going back. Relationships would have to look different from there on out, I would have to be intentional, I would have to be obedient knowing God was in control not I. So many times I have fought for my own way; I have been angry, tried to turn away from God, I have screamed at Him and told Him that it is not fair, that I would be called to be “different” to live a life that was “called” to do greater things, for the sake of the Gospel. Has it been worth it this far though? YES, and overwhelming YES! I definitely won’t say it is easy. The temptations still come, I am venerable, I fall, but I get back up knowing that the push will be worth it.
The love I have for my Savior will always be stronger, more meaningful, more beautiful, and more deeply rooted than anything I have on this earth! I cannot imagine a life without Him. I want people to see, know, and fully understand the relationship that will always come first in my life is that with my God. I have a calling that is on my life and I will fulfill that. I may not ever have a normal “American Dream” life. Yes, I want a family, a husband who loves me, kids, a house, and whatever normalcy I can get. . . but I realize that “dream” may look different than most. I want to adopt kids, to travel and love on hurting and broken people. I want people to know my God, to feel His love, to experience true freedom and if I am the only chance that broken people have at seeing a glimpse of God’s heart, I want to be it!
