I’m not gonna lie, 2007 was hard. Perhaps the most amazing experience (collectively speaking) of my life to date proved to be a year of refining. We fought, cried, threw up, willed ourselves not to throw up, sacrificed and the like. Here I sit, back in the states for about 7 weeks now and thinking “was it all worth it?”
When Abraham walked three days into the wilderness armed with the knowledge that he would be murdering his precious son all in obedience to a God who apparently had a split personality, did he raise the knife, only to be stopped and discover the ram in the thicket and think to himself “ah ha! What a great experience, that was completely worth it!”
Might I even go so far as to see Jesus on the cross in the most excruciating agony known to mankind and keep going, even through death, because “it will all be worth it.”
The sad truth is, I don’t think it was worth it for us all. What is the measurement for what makes this 11 month inferno worth every scrape, abrasion and bruise to our souls? We toss around the lingo of “coming alive” and “claiming our inheritance” which are all inspiring charges. But at the end of the day, healing takes time. Coming home isn’t always easy, it’s not always flawless, it’s really only trading one set of drama for another.
So was it worth it? Was it worth it to see orphans loved? Was it worth it to see the hungry fed? The sick healed? The lost saved? Was it worth the pain of refinement to my character? Have I come home truly loving God and loving others more?
The truth is: for me, it was absolutely worth it. The opportunity to love, to grow, to conquer the mountain, all of it was for the glory of God and even the experience of watching him provide, strengthen, comfort and love me and those around me was worth it all.
You see, for me, “coming alive” means seeing God and seeing people for who they really are. It’s not an event, it’s a process. I pray that I might come alive more every day. I pray that the most poverty-stricken orphan in Africa and the most destitute prostitute in Thailand would invoke as much compassion as the richest tycoon in America and the most prominent pastor in my city. God does not show favoritism. He died one and for all. The measure of if this experience was truly worth it can be seen in whether I can truly say I love God more and am willing to love those around me more because of it.
It’s not about finding what makes you come alive, it’s about allowing where you’re at to bring out the life, God’s life, from within you. It’s not about traveling the world, it’s about living. It was for freedom Christ set us free, nothing more, nothing less.
