Response to “When to Cut your Losses”
The team did ultimately finish the trip together. In fact, they are the only team in the World Race’s short history to do so completely in tact with all original members. The dynamics never improved, the group left on a somewhat amiable note but the experience was somewhat of a disappointment. No one benefitted in a substantial way from the exercise and even given the extra time to work things out, nothing seemed to make the difference. Some of these teammates would say that this was such an important element of the trip that its intense dysfunction robbed them of much of what else they could have experienced while on the trip.
Looking back on it, it probably wasn’t worth it and I would have done things differently. Likely, I would have made changes much earlier on to try and make it a healthier lesson learned. I also would have had more consistent interaction with this team and the individuals alone to help encourage growth in these areas.
Romance on the Race
World Race is a marriage machine. Seriously, we have 3 weddings done (racers who have come back home to marry their fiancées) and 4 more on the way (that we know about…)! It’s somewhat interesting to note that when you stick 25 or so single young adults in their mid-twenties together for a year, attraction happens….who would have thought?
World Race has not, however, had success with dating couples on the field. One such relationship was started and ended on the race and ended up with incredible team dysfunction and one of the members leaving the race. Ask any youth pastor, but “trip flings” as I call them almost never work (maybe after the fact things continue, but during the process – it’s almost always unhealthy). They are usually birthed out of common pain and vulnerability and the rebuilding together. Hurting people tend to find one another (one common attraction method). Spiritual maturity is openly displayed and growth is seen first hand (another common attraction method).
Regardless of how it happens, racers are under signed contract not to initiate, consider or begin relationships while on the field with any participant, local, individual back home, etc. They commit to a year of focusing on the Lord, their personal development and the mission at hand. It’s always so easy to sign that when you’re not caught up in it – which brings me to our case study:
Two racers, on separate teams, develop a flirtatious relationship. They spend every waking moment (sometimes late into the evening) together. They both like to jog, they both like to watch the same kind of movies, they even have some of the same grievances toward teammates. It’s an easy relationship, it becomes a “safe” place. It’s not intentionally exclusive, it just always happens that no one else is interested in the things they are – so they do them alone….together.
Team meetings are missed on occasion if the squad is together for some reason, ministry obligations get cancelled during morning sessions because they are sick or tired after talking long into the night. They flat out deny attraction when confronted by leadership and see nothing amiss with their actions.
Leadership isn’t fooled.
It’s pure assumption on leadership’s behalf that there’s something more to the story (or is it)? Other co-ed combinations are allowed to go out in 2’s. There’s nothing violating safety, nothing currently violating the specifics of the “dating policy” and it seems as though the relationship is actually beneficial in producing fruit and growth in the two involved.
What do we do? Does leadership mandate clear separation? No responsibility is being taken and the relationship is passionately “platonic.” Is there a big deal? The fruit is “good” so is anything “wrong”?
Post your comments and I’ll share mine in tomorrow’s blog.
