When to cut your losses
Part of the World Race experience is living in community. For those of you who haven’t truly done this, there’s really no comparison in American culture for it. Maybe a fraternity or sorority but even that still has a measure of privacy and escape not found on the mission field. I’m talking about the kind of community where you put on Ipod headphones and close your eyes visualizing yourself in an empty room as “personal time” when in fact you are surrounded by 5 other people several feet in any direction. The kind of community where you share toothpaste, clothes, bank accounts, living space, personal space, sleeping space (it sounds like marriage but it’s so much more).
This shock treatment of being in close proximity not to people you’ve chosen to live your life alongside but an “arranged marriage” of sorts to 5 other personalities. We do this absolutely on purpose in World Race and some of the greatest fruit and most painful hurt have come out of these relationships.
We acknowledge that it takes several months of time spent just with these 5 individuals to work things out. Add the intensity of moving every three weeks and living in a cross-cultural setting complete with a language you do not know or understand. It’s difficult to say the least. In fact, for some, it’s too hard.
We had one such team a few trips back. It looked like the perfect mix, everyone bringing something needed to the team. Personality traits were balanced and the excitement level was shared among the team initially. As with all World Race teams, they went through their “inferno” process of trying to learn how to communicate, resolve conflict, compromise, listen, make decisions, balance work and play, etc.
It all hit the wall (as it does with every, single team) about 3 months into the year. Personalities, tensions, entitlements, frustrations were at an all time high. One particular teammate lobbied hard for leadership change, another teammate was ready to completely throw in the towel. They had tried having mediators, tried working things out on their own, tried doing away completely with the “family” concept and nothing seemed to be working.
Leadership intervened about 4 months into the 11 month trip and tried to hear the team out. The conflicts weren’t all that unique – but definitely real. The flags were in the sand – most arguing not a personality conflict but a sinful lifestyle. There was no “agree to disagree” but there was also no willingness to give up. The team was forced to remain as they were and given the veritable “back room” to sort things out.
They never did. Month 8 of the process, things still had not changed. Growth was apparent individually, but almost no progress had been made as a team.
What do we do? Is 8 months just a place to admit it’s just not a good fit? Does the 3 months of the experience still carry some value in working through these issues? Is there really anything else that can be done? Do we stick to our guns or succeed defeat and make changes?
