During my third month we were at El Shediah orphanage in Swaziland, Africa.
It was one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen.
It was at the very top of a mountain with a view, as you can see, that was outrageous.
(View from our hut in Swaziland)
I started off the month battling how to find a healthy balance between self discipline and legalism.
I wanted to be consistent at spending time with God every morning, because I knew it would be worth it.
I was just afraid of it turning out like it had every other time, where it ends up becoming another thing on my checklist instead of something I enjoyed.
So I was asking God about how to do this well.
What is the balance?
He told me that it isn't about clocking a certain amount of time with Him everyday and that if I miss a day it's okay, but that when I spend time with Him it is never useless and it will never come back void.
He will always meet me there.
So that is what I set out to do was spend time with Jesus every morning before ministry and see what would happen.
Let me just tell you that He met me there every single morning and it was always worth it.
During this time God showed me how life can be like climbing a mountain early in the morning when the morning fog is clouded all around it.
Whatever it is that we are going through, the hard time, the process, the letting go of something, the grieving of something…whatever the "it" is, is like climbing a mountain.
We are walking up the mountain and we know the top of the mountain exists and we know we are going to get to it eventually, but the fog around it is so thick we just can't see it.
We start trudging upward, but at points it just seems easier to say screw the view that awaits us at the top and run as fast as we can to the bottom of the mountain that is familiar and comfortable.
Sometimes we have to stop for breathers and recollect ourselves and maybe even give ourselves a pep talk to convince us to just push through and keep going.
(View from the orphanage)
It doesn't matter how fast or slow you go up the mountain, but what matters is that glorious moment when you hit the top and you look around and you see the most beautiful view you have ever laid eyes on.
At that moment every single heart wrenching step that you had to take to get there was worth it.
So much so that you would do it all over again, because you know that the journey up is worth the view that you are going to get to see.
This pretty much describes my experience on the race.
There have been moments that have been so hard and hurt so bad that all I have wanted to do was jump on the next plane back to California, to all things normal, and say I am done with this.
I call it breakdowns and breakthroughs.
I have absolute faith every hard time I come across and every breakdown I have is going to lead to greater things and beautiful breakthroughs.
Knowing that gives me what I need to keep trudging up the mountain and embracing the hard times that lead to growth.
Leaving unhealthy habits behind, growing, learning and ultimately every step of life's journey is hard.
But that moment when you look at who you are as a result of the growth and the things God has taught you is unlike anything else.
Being able to say I used to be like that, I used to think that, I used to feel this way, I used to struggle with that or I used to be that person BUT I have grown so much I don't even recognize that person anymore.
I realized that the girl getting off the plane in California in August 2013 is not going to be the same person that got on the plane in California in September 2012.
I am coming home changed, new and free.
I would say that every breakdown is worth that kind of breakthrough!
It is the best thing when you achieve the growth and experience the breakthrough, but it takes harsh realizations and lots of breakdowns to be able to get there.
It is just like climbing a mountain…the path up usually isn't the easiest, but the view that awaits you at the top is worth it.
Keep climbing that mountain…it will be worth it…I promise!
(Working in the orphanage)
