“I’m going to teach you how to love this year.”
I think that is the first promise the Lord spoke over me once I was accepted to the Race.
In my mind, I was picturing deeper intimacy with Him. And of course bonding with my teammates, maybe even my squad mates, if there was enough healing in my life.
Like a lot of people, I have had a lot of experiences in my life where I have been hurt deeply by others. I have been wronged in terrible ways and it has left some pretty significant wounds.
This has led me to a dangerous conclusion: loving people is messy, scary, and just too hard to be worth it. There are very few people that are allowed past a certain point in my life.
That was until I met Gigi. This little firecracker came crashing into my world in the Philippines. She is just as sweet as she is feisty–something that would probably only make sense if you ever had the pleasure of meeting her.
I met her a little under two weeks before we had to leave the Philippines, but the Lord did something beautiful in those two weeks. He showed me just how precious she was to Him. And in those two weeks, He let me love her. He gave me the joy of calling her my friend and even sweeter, my sister.
In one of our last nights in the Philippines, the Lord promised that He would give me a Gigi in every nation. At the time, I didn’t really understand what He was saying. But, as I said goodbye to her, the Lord started speaking comforting truth over my heart.
I don’t think I realized how much I truly loved her until the day I had to say goodbye to her. As I rushed out the door to see her one last time, it was almost as if the Lord whispered to me “This is the love I was talking about.”
He showed me that I really did love her in a way that was only possible if the Lord was loving others through me.
I don’t normally let myself love people too deeply for fear of getting hurt, but the Lord is giving me a beautiful gift this year. He is allowing me to love His kids all around the world. Not only that, but He is showing me what it looks like to love out of His love, and not my own.
I have learned that there is such an incredible difference between loving people out of our love and loving them out of our Father’s love. See, when we love out of our own strength, we put limits on the love we pour out. Most of the time we don’t think it’s worth the risk to truly love people deeply. We don’t let others in for fear of getting hurt or being rejected. We shut people out if they get too close for comfort.
But that is not how God intends for us to live, and this is what He says about loving others:
“Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and His love is perfected in us.” -1 John 4:11-12
Only our Father’s love would make it possible to truly love somebody we met two weeks ago.
I was reminded of how great the love He has given me to pour out on others is at the beginning of this month. Not even a week into teaching at the Kindergarten, I realized I truly love the kids I get to work with. I also realized that I have been able to love on our host and his family in ways not of myself.
But the true proof of His love in my life this month has been my friendship with the teacher I work with. Very shortly after I started helping at the Kindergarten, the Lord told me I would be friends with this teacher. At first, I believed Him and I was excited. But then, I spent a few days in the classroom and saw how harsh her personality was.
I remember talking to Jesus one night and politely telling Him that He was wrong about this one. The next day, He responded by giving me one of the most beautiful conversations I’ve had all month, with this teacher. From that time on, me and my teammate, Lindy, have been able to form a deep connection with her. We have been able to laugh with her and eat dinner with her. We have seen her become more gentle with the children we teach and we have come to a place where we can truly say that we love her and will be sad to leave her in a few days.
That is what it looks like when we allow ourselves to push past old wounds and to truly let ourselves care about those around us. It may be scary at times, and maybe even painful. But we will find ourselves with the most beautiful friendships and we will be loving out of a place so much sweeter and so much bigger than ourselves.
