God Uses Broken People

Disclaimer: I am going to attempt
vulnerability in this blog, which is something I am not very good at.
However, despite the lies Satan is throwing at me right now, I know I
am not the only one struggling with doubts and my prayer for this blog
is that somebody may benefit from what the Lord is showing me this week.

 

Five weeks from today I will be on a
flight to be reunited with my V Squad family for launch. Then three
days later we will be on our way to our first country, the
Philippines. I am so incredibly excited, but at the same time I would
be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. In the midst of making lists,
multiple shopping trips, and all the other things I have to do before
I leave, my mind is spinning. To be honest, this past week has been
one of the most difficult weeks I have walked through in my life.

 

Sometimes I struggle with feeling
worthless.

 

Sometimes I try to find my identity in
men rather than Jesus.

 

Sometimes (or a lot of times…) I let
my pride get in the way of loving people well.

 

Sometimes I use words to hurt people I
care about in order to push them away, because I’ve seen the power
that people’s words have had over me in the past.

 

Sometimes it’s easier for me to feed
into the lies the enemy is throwing at me than to seek the truth that
Jesus gives to me.

 

Sometimes I let past wounds continue to
cut so deep that I don’t feel as though I’ll ever be completely
healed.

 

Sometimes, I feel way too broken for
God to be using me in any way, big or small.

 

The list could go on forever, and
sometimes all of these things lead me to doubt that I am cut out for
this thing called The World Race.

 

Wednesday night/ Thursday morning, I
wrestled with all of these thoughts, and it got to the point of
losing sleep over it. As I rolled around trying to get to bed, all
these doubts kept playing in my mind: I’m not going on the Race, God
just can’t use me in that way. There is so much junk and brokenness
in my life and this just isn’t the time for me to go. By morning, my
decision was made, I wouldn’t be going on the Race in September.

 

However, as soon as I got ready for the
day, something told me to check my Facebook. Once I logged in, I saw
that I had a message from one of my squad leaders. This is what it
said:

 

 

God is so good. He knows our hearts and He speaks directly to us
in our times of need. He sees our brokenness and still asks us to be
part of His plan anyways. Not only does He heal our brokenness but He
uses it as a way to glorify Himself.

 

The truth is I am broken, but our God is our sweet Redeemer. I am
not enough, but He is. He has invited me into something so beautiful
and I choose to trust Him, even when everything within me is telling
me this is crazy. Today I choose to believe the truth that the Lord
speaks over me and walk in the freedom He has already given me. My
prayer for you, wherever you are, is that you will do the same.

 

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I need to see $6500 in my account by August 18^th to be
able to launch in September. And I need to be have the full amount
raised by March 1^st. I know these numbers seem big, but I
know that the Lord will provide. I have done a little math and know
that if just 50 people give $50 in the next two weeks, I will be at
my second goal.

 

Also if 40 people commit to giving $50 monthly for six months, I
would be fully supported!

 

Please consider partnering with me in this amazing experience the
Lord has in store. If you would like to give online, you can do so by
clicking on Support Me! to the left. Or you can send a check made out
to Aventures in Missions with WebbJillian in the memo line to:

 

Atlanta, GA 30353-4470