When I was a kid, I remember hearing a missionary from France speak at my church. I was completely enthralled and touched by what he shared. I gave my entire week's allowance in the offering and decided that one day I, too, was going to France to share Jesus' love.
As I got older, I began to think that my deep desire to be a missionary was only a childish whim that would pass with time. Even during moments of my teenage years when the idea seemed most compelling and I felt such a longing to GO, I assumed that by the time I "grew up" I would have other ideas about my life. Going overseas seemed so impressive and magical, like an ideal that I could never reach. I dolefully admitted to myself that I would probably settle for less in the end.
Then, during the summer before I turned 21, I ventured outside my comfy, small world for the first time ever, leaving the United States to teach English in Hong Kong for a month. Though I had never felt especially drawn or called to Asia, the experience impacted me beyond what I could have imagined. In the process, it whetted my appetite for more! I realized how much bigger the world is than my backyard, and how much bigger my God is than the whole world. I also realized that flying for 14 hours isn't that big of a deal, and people are people everywhere you go, and being a missionary suddenly didn't seem out of the realm of possibility at all!
God continues to shatter my reality because I continue to make it too small. More often than not, I underestimate His imagination, His power to transform, and His profound interest in my little life. Over the last couple years He showed me what being a missionary on my own college campus could look like. Seeing Him work in me and through me at PSU has fostered a trust in Him that continues to grow with each passing day, as He continues to prove Himself trustworthy. Looking ahead at graduation during spring term, all I could say was, "God, I am yours and all I want is what You want for me, no matter how hard, how terrifying, or how mundane." I have never been at a place in life where I was more free and unhindered, and there is nothing else I can do but offer myself 100 percent to my Jesus! He responded to my prayers for direction by placing before me the adventure of a lifetime… 11 months in 11 countries to serve the poor and brokenhearted and lost… the World Race!
I continue to marvel, to jump off the walls in excitement, and to grit my teeth in terror at what this really means. Getting past the sensational idea that I am going to be a world traveler, and realizing the cost of leaving my family and friends for nearly a year, has made me fall back again and again on the confirmation God has given me that this is His plan and His idea, not mine. All I want is Him and I pray I will live the rest of my life in a relentless pursuit of His heart, and never settle for less than everything He has for me!
