It’s been an off week for me so far. It’s not that I’ve been discouraged or depressed, just kinda apathetic. I feel like I am settling for less. Going through the motions. Restless, bored, passionless.
How easy it is to land in this place! It is one of those familiar mindsets that has plagued me many times at home, during school, in my jobs. I am frustrated to find that it’s followed me here. I am letting my flesh overcome my spirit. And in Jesus’ name, it ends now!
We learned a skit yesterday from our squad leader, Hope, that perfectly expresses to me this battle in our hearts. It is the story of Adam and Eve, the story of sin leading to the cross. The skit is all a mime to the Evanescence song “Bring me to lifeâ€�. Along with Misty and Dani, I play the role of the tree. Jesus (Mark) enters as the song begins, bringing us to life from our stooped, curled up positions. We rise together, stretching out our branches as energy rushes through us. He then moves Adam and Eve (Chase and Kate), who are lying lifelessly, forming them and bringing them to life with His breath. They rise, enraptured by the beauty around them and by each other. But soon Satan (Katie W) comes in, enticing them with the fruit hanging from the tree’s branches. They take it, eat, and we, the tree, instantly wither and die as mayhem and confusion break out and peace and harmony evaporates. As the song crescendos, Jesus returns, and we rise into a cross as He takes the “sinâ€� (the fruit) from Adam and Eve and stretches out His arms and dies. With His death, we are once again dead – we droop as His body slumps into the withered branches (our arms). But the climax is coming! Jesus rises as the music swells, and the tree springs to life as He does, victorious over death itself, life rushing in and breaking the bondage of sin and darkness once and for all.
It’s funny how much that simple role of the tree has impacted me! Yet I feel that battle between life and death so strongly. The devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy. He wants us to be living dead. To walk through each day, go through the motions, live in our worlds (whether it’s here in Guatemala on the mission field or in the dorms at PSU or at home with our families or at work each day), but have no passion, no joy, no zeal. To be dead inside. To be voiceless. To be despairing without a reason, lost without a map, frustrated without knowing why.
He uses anything he can to distract us. The last few days, he’s been using food for me – sweets, mealtime, whatever – to distract me and lure me into a state of apathy and lethargy. He is continually working to create a desire for something other than the Lord’s presence in my heart. To convince me that going through the motions is okay. That being present is enough, even if my heart is not in it. That my spirit does not have to be willing and engaged as long as I am physically here.
But it is a lie. There is a battle raging. There is a victory to be won and it requires that I am fully engaged in warfare – body, mind, and spirit. Not thinking ahead to when we leave for El Salvador in a week and a half. Not longing for home or looking for comfort and happiness in things that remind me of it. But right here, right now, watching and waiting for the Lord to move. For His healing to fall. For His presence to transform this nation into something unrecognizable, and with it, our hearts.
Because that is who are God is. He is victorious, He is alive!
