Break my heart anew!

It’s Sunday evening in El Salvador. I am recovering from yet another 24-hour bout of something funky in my tummy. I spent pretty much the entirety of yesterday lying on my sleeping bag on the floor, struggling with a mixture of nausea, extreme fatigue, guilt, and frustration at missing out on the day’s ministry. The biggest bummer was staying home from last night’s church service, where our teams performed a skit that I had practiced with them the day before and then had to skip out on, at least this time around. Sad day 🙁

We are staying in a beautiful rental house here in Apastepeque, up in the mountains above San Vicente. Granted, we don’t have any furniture, and only one toilet for 16 people, but still we felt pretty darn blessed and pampered when we were greeted by spacious rooms and an open-air atrium in the middle of the house with beautiful, well-tended flower beds. Our host, Victor, cooks all our meals and is even catering to our American tastes, with such treats as French toast, ham and cheese sandwiches, and pizza making an appearance in the menu! Plus, of course, the local favorite – papusas! Last week as we drove through the upward-winding curves, overlooking the most breathtaking landscape I have seen yet, I felt that God was whispering a promise in my ear. “This is going to be a month of richness.â€�

Honestly, at the moment I feel a bit of doubt. My body is weak. My resolve feels weak. I am tired of feeling nauseous every time I eat a meal. It is hard to see what God is doing as of yet – our schedule is very free compared to last month, so the bulk of our ministry so far has been prayer walks in local communities, and visiting the church that is connected with our ministry for different services throughout the week. I know it is a blessing from the Lord and He has given us this time for a reason. But there are moments when I question our effectiveness here (once again, I am forgetting that God’s values are not efficiency and productivity… )

 

The transition from Guatemala to El Salvador was really hard for me, and I feel that in part I am holding back, uncertain how and if I want to fully engage my heart and emotions in this place, knowing how transitive our time is here. Please pray that God will break down my defenses, fling open the doors of my heart to embrace a new place and a new people.

May I be Your voice of power, Your hands of love, Your heart of longing! Let Your kingdom come in El Salvador and in the world!