I did it. I officially gave my first sermon on the World Race. This was a significant moment for multiple reasons:
- God called me to the World Race BEFORE revealing to me how much preaching would occur – trickery I tell you.
- God showed up in a way I didn’t expect – enter gypsy man smiling.
- I felt freedom from my perfectionist spirit for possibly the first time ever in my life – hard to believe if you know me well.
I don’t know what my expectations were for the World Race when I first signed up. I imagined this trip to all these different nations so that I could serve and love lots of people every day the way that Jesus did. Now this is certainly part of what I am doing, however it is not all that Christ has called me to for the next 11 months. He has called me to share the Good News – to preach the Gospel, to share my testimony, and to speak truth to the people that gather to hear from the “American and Canadian missionaries.” Had I known that this would become everyday life on the WR, I probably would not have applied. Speaking in front of crowds stresses me out to the max, and to be honest, I’ve never felt like I had enough boldness in my faith to have the authority to preach. But God was sneaky, and He waited until I was already on board for the WR before revealing this whole preaching plan. But I know that the truth is, as a daughter of Christ, God HAS created me to be a living testimony of who He is, both with actions AND words. I walk in authority because God created me, Christ died for me, and He lives within me. And so by speaking to others, it is God who flows through me to carry His own words to the ears of His people – I am only the vessel. If we give ourselves to God, He will use our words to speak to the hearts of those who are open to Him. And so for the next 10 months, and hopefully the rest of my life, I will continue to submit myself to God in hopes that He will use “my words” for His purpose. And so this first official sermon was significant because I at least told God, “No, this was not my plan or my ideal way of life, but if it is in Your will for me, then I am willing to give it a try.”
“For I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength.” –Philippians 4:13
Now with all this anxiety about speaking in front of people, I typically spend the day of my speaking engagement just worrying and stressing and basically feeling sick to my stomach. Not fun. But this time? Well, I won’t lie – I kind of had a moment of panic when I realized it was an hour and a half until go time and I had no notes on what I was going to say. That morning (procrastination is beautiful) I had started typing up some notes on my testimony, but then decided I might go a different way and talk about the parable of the lost son, and just decided I’d figure it out later because we had plans to go visit a fortress here in Vidin (it was fun, in case you were wondering).
But after scribbling a few notes on the way to the church in the car, I actually kind of felt okay about it. Strange. As the gypsy church service began and the worship was blaring out of the speakers, I took a moment with God. Ever do that? If not, please try it. But as I closed my eyes and started chatting with Him, He just gave me a peace and this message of encouragement. I just saw this image of God standing in the back of the church in the doorway. And the whole time I would be speaking, He was just going to stand there and smile and listen. It was almost like He was saying – “Jill, this is just for me. I just want to hear what you have to say about me. Don’t worry about anybody else in the room. Let’s just pretend like it is a practice round with you and me. And I promise that no matter what, I’m just going to smile and be happy that you’ve tried for me.” And so as worship ended and it was my turn to come forward. I was not afraid, I was not sick to my stomach, I was not even nervous. I just felt calm.
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” –Philippians 4:6-7
Now usually when I speak to crowds, I try to just scan the audience, never focusing too much on one person or another. But about halfway through my sermon, someone caught my eye. In the very back row on the edge seat by the door sat a little old gypsy man. And for the entire time I was speaking, on his face he wore the sweetest, most calming smile. While others’ eyes would wander or furrow their eyebrows, he just kept looking intently at me in such a serene way. Every time I looked at him, I felt this surreal peace wash over me, and I felt waves of encouragement. I just knew that he, more than anyone else in the room, was listening and really cared. So much so that by the end of my sermon, I just knew that at the end of church I was going to have to go and find this sweet man and thank him. And so my sermon ended, and after another song and lots of prayers, church ended, too. And my little old gypsy man? Nowhere to be found. Now naysayers could say that he just slipped away without me noticing. But I am 100% convinced that the truth is that God showed up in a little old gypsy man that day, almost exactly like He had promised in the image He gave me before I spoke. Not to go all Joan Osborne on you all and say “what if God was one of us”, but there is just no other way to explain the heavenly presence that He brought to me that day. We expect God to speak in voices or in emotions or in extravagant gestures – but what if God actually comes and sits in on moments of our life like that? What if He sends down an angel to watch over us and give us peace in our times of need? What if God has sent a “little old gypsy man smile” to you lately? Were your eyes opened enough to see Him at work?
And the last significant moment of my first time preaching on the WR: the after effect. I have always been a perfectionist. It is true that I am harder on myself than anyone else has ever been. And so because of this, anytime I have any type of “performance,” I immediately go into evaluation and correction mode afterwards. What did I mess up? What should I have done better? What did I not do? Basically, how did I fail in this? But this time, for possibly the first time in my life, I did not ask those questions. God took me to a place where I was just content and happy to have done my best in serving Him. Now does that mean I was perfect? Not at all! To be honest, I talked in circles occasionally and tripped over my words. But for once in my life, it didn’t matter. I cannot put into words how refreshing that was for me. It was a freedom that I’ve never experienced before, but that I hope to continue to live in. After all, Jesus Christ is my Savior – He was perfection so that I don’t have to be. Because of His sacrifice, I’m covered in grace! YOU are covered in grace! Do you know how exciting that is?! And that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to do our best for Him. But when we do try our best, and we don’t get it perfect, it’s okay. It’s kind of like a father watching his baby learn to walk. He doesn’t get mad if the baby stumbles and falls. He is just thrilled to see his child attempt to take those first steps! It doesn’t matter if it looks awkward or is wobbly – that baby is taking steps!! I think that is how God looks at us when we are learning to walk with Him in new ways. He doesn’t expect it to be perfect right from the start – He is just filled with love and joy to see His child trying and learning.
So in summary, I have three questions for you:
What new things is God asking you to try in your life, and are you willing to submit?
In what ways is God making His presence known in your life, and are you open enough to see it?
Are you willing to stumble and fall in life, but be filled with peace knowing that God is smiling as you “learn to walk”?
