So I won't beat around the bush and I'll just start off by saying that the World Race is a no go.
Sad, yes. Disappointing, yes. Frusterating, yes.
These were my intial feelings. I didn't see what the point of all of this was. But of course, this was all through my blurred and muddled vision. It wasn't until I asked God to show me through his perfect 20/20 vision that I finally understood all that He was doing, all that He was showing me and teaching me.
Let me explain what has happened these past few months:
Like most parents, my parents did not want to let their daughter go on a 11 month mission trip. Ok, I get that. But the root of the problem became much more clear as I traveled further down the road. Many destructive things had been said, which the devil intended to use to destroy me, and at first it nearly did.
Your mission in life is to serve your family, not God. You serve God later. You think you're so special just
because you've been "called" to do mission work? You're not, you are just a girl, a normal girl. Why do
you hate us? Did Jesus every say to kill your parents? Did Jesus ever say to hate them? You're selfish.
You only care about yourself. You don't love us.
I almost fell apart completely. The guilt and shame nearly consumed me. Spiritual warfare ensued. Whoever said "sticks and stones my break my bones but words will never hurt me" was such a liar. But still, I had to cling to what I knew to be true. The Word of God, Jesus Christ. And God never let go of me, despite my emotions and the doubt that nearly overtook me. No, I know the truth…
What did you say Jesus? 'I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man
against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.
And a person's enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than
me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.' I love my
mother and father greatly God, but not so much as I love you. I honor them, but I cannot do what they
demand of me when they are trying to separate me from the very thing I can't be separated from.
Nothing can separate me from the love of Christ…think Romans 8:35-39. I'm not doing this for me, I'm
not doing this for them, I do it all for you God, because you loved me first.
I thought about how hard it must be for a father to let go of his little girl, his child, to go out into the world knowing that there are many dangers. But then I thought about how much harder it must've been for God the Father to let go of His only Son to come down into the world, in the flesh, knowing all that he had to face, to suffer, to endure. And not only that but God the Almighty and Sovereign had to allow him to face, to suffer, to endure, and in the end to die. He could not intervene when they nailed him to the cross, he had to leave his son completely alone…for the sake of us all, for his glory. "Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood." (Hebrews 12:3-4). So I made the decision. Yes God I will surrender all to you, including my family, you who gave it all for us. Though it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But I know, I can't please both my parents and God. As Jesus said, 'A servant cannot serve two masters.'
And so the warfare continued…
Your friends don't really love you. They're not your family. Family means you're blood-related, they are
the ones who can truly love you. Others would never give their life for you, because they don't really love
you. And you wouldn't either.
LIES. Then what was the point of Christ Jesus on the cross? Who I am not blood-related to, yet because of
the blood he shed on that cross we have all received the adoption as sons and daughters through him
who loved us. And all we have to do is repent and believe. That he is our Lord and our salvation and
boy do I believe it! And Jesus said this, 'This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have
loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.'
It's well-known. Jesus said to go and make disciples of all nations. But what some don't fully realize is what being a disciple of Jesus Christ entails. It's a narrow path, full of persectuions and tribulations. To be a disciple is to be a sheep in the midst of wolves. To be a disciple is to be hated by all for Christ's sake. 'A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master.' But it is well worth it to lay down my life for Christ's sake, for his glory, to proclaim the truth in love to others, to risk my life for the sake of the gospel even that just one would be saved and come to know Christ, for I know that there would be great joy in heaven.
So then, what was the point in going through all of this? I remember what I had prayed before any of this had happened…
'God, prepare me mentally, phsyically, spiritually for whatever is to come, for whatever you have planned
for me, for what you want me to do.'
It was then God told me,
'This is but a taste of what you will have to endure, for my sake, for my kingdom. Are you willing?'
Am I willing? Am I willing to face persecution again and again? Am I willing to be mocked and ridiculed? Am I willing to look like a fool? Am I willing to give up the comforts of this world? Am I willing to give up my family? Am I willing to face danger? Am I willing to lay down my life? Am I willing….yes.
And in saying yes, God reavealed to me through prayer that the World Race was no longer for me to go on. That there is more I need to learn here, that I must be further trained, disciplined, equipped and grounded. So knowing that, I found out about the Joshua Wilderness Institute. Before I knew it, I applied, got interviewed, and was accepted into the program. The only way I can really describe it is it's an intense discipleship training. Go figure right? God really has a way of working things out.
I would like to thank you all for your prayers and support throughout all of this. For those who supported me financially, contact me directly via email, phone, or in person if you would like to fine out more about JWI or redirect the funds towards supporting me at JWI. Thank you again. I have been incredibly blessed by your prayers and support. I feel like thank yous are not even enough to express how thankful I am. But I'll say it again anyways, THANK YOU, my brothers and sisters. Thank you.
