So, now that you know my history with emotions (read previous blog)
You’ll see why this is something new and strange that God is doing with me.
When we were doing ministry in Argentina, there was a day where we went to visit a family from the church in the town we were in.
This woman had kids of her own, and some children who were not. But they were family of some sort.
Her mother helped her in the house as well.
We entered, were seated, given water and waited for the young boys to come in from outside.
The mom wanted the pastor and us to come in to share the word and pray for her boys.
Her son specifically, who was the younger boy (11 y/o), used to love church and was very involved in the worship team.
They had to move, and refused to visit this new church.
Coming into this house, we only knew that she wanted us to pray for her boys.
So we were there and the boys were very closed off. It was sort of awkward at first.
But then as we sat there and the pastor was talking to them, her son started to open up.
Then…
there it was: I felt like I wanted to cry. It was something I was fighting.
I literally asked myself, “why are you wanting to cry?”
“What if they see you and think you’re weird. You don’t know them. They won’t understand why you’re crying for them.”
Simultaneously, The boy was sharing his past church experience with us. Then he mentioned his father.
Ah.
I heard that, Lord.
There it was.
It was coming. I couldn’t hold it back anymore.
I looked around the table & saw my friend Kaylin, who apparently was already in tears.
That was comforting for me, so I let loose. It was ok for me to cry, too.
The tears just kept rolling.
You know, those warm soft ones that come out with no warning.
The boy saw. The pastor saw. The mom. Grandma. Everyone.
I didn’t care anymore.
I knew these were from the Lord.
He was letting me feel the emotions of these boys, especially the younger one.
What made it harder, was that these feelings were something I have known and felt before.
It is painful.
It is the pain that comes from a loved one leaving you.
The feeling of abandonment.
Of not being enough.
Taking the blame as a son or daughter for the lack of care and attention that your father is giving.
Before we knew the whole story, I already knew what the little boy felt and how much he was still hurting from his dad leaving them. From leaving him. All the questions that roamed through his heart.
The best part of this evening though, was that the Spirit was not just touching us,
It touched his heart as well.
He started breaking down.
I’m not sure if he understood why we were crying, but he started crying too.
It hurt my heart so much to see his eyes well up.
But his tough, closed off exterior was breaking,
And I know that feeling too. Especially when its a long time coming.
The Lord was breaking those walls and healing him.
My team all spoke out the emotions the Lord was giving us and they all coincided.
By this point, my other teammate, Katie was crying too.
We all felt the spirit so strongly in that house.
For some reason, the Lord wanted us to feel his pain.
So that we could feel with him and share with him what the Lord has to say.
Maybe it’s because he had been closed off to the Lord due to that pain.
I understand.
They boy listened. He cried. We spoke truth in love. He smiled and worshiped with us.
We prayed over the family. For restoration. And for the two boys to come to church again.
I am happy to tell you that the younger boy showed up every Sunday after our visit. He even wanted to help us paint the church. He has a true servants heart and the kindest eyes.
The Lord has his heart gripped tight.
I know that he will do great things in the kingdom.
This day was a catapult for what the rest of my time on this race has looked like. And what I know the Lord is just starting to bring me through.
Another time, our team all woke up very irritated and angry.
I don’t feel any of those things easily. It takes a lot to make me angry.
As for 2 of the other girls in my team who felt this.
After talking about it, we released it to the Lord and we returned to our normal selves.
But, later that evening when we were visiting a man in his house, we ended up meeting his wife.
The man is a believer, but the wife is not. She actually despises religion.
Somehow, she still let us in her house. Hoping that her husband would get home soon, I’m sure.
Her husband took longer than expected, so we just sat and heard her story.
She later on let us know that she would never have done that before, but she saw that we looked kind, so she let us in.
To respect her story and privacy, I won’t share the details, but this woman had every right to feel the anger she did towards the church and maybe even God. She was greatly hurt by both.
So as we sat and listened, we all understood where those emotions we felt earlier were from:
This woman.
Isn’t it wild?
I’ve never experienced this before in my life. I’ve empathized with people, but never this strongly. The point to where I wake up feeling a certain way and know that these emotions aren’t mine.
My teammates pointed out that it’s intercession.
This means that we are interceding and praying for these people on behalf of them to the Lord.
I’ve done that before in my time being a believer.
But I’ve definitely never felt someone’s pain and emotions before even knowing them – or even meeting them.
I don’t know why God does this, but it is something we get to do. And it’s beautiful.
To be able to feel with people. Not just for them.
I get to see a glimpse into their heart.
Even though it’s confusing at first.
Even though it hurts.
Even though some emotions are stronger than I’ve ever known.
It’s a gift.
The Father cares so much about all these people’s hearts and He desires for His children to rally together and fight for one another.
This is what it feels like.
I have these emotions that aren’t mine sometimes.
But I feel them anyways.
And I know to pray hard for that person.
To pray for healing.
Strength.
Sight.
Whatever it is they can’t yet come to the Lord with.
They might not know whats going on on my end, but thats ok.
They might not ever see me again.
That’s ok.
Their hearts are still being fought for.
The Lord is working.
And our team gets to be a part of that.
