1.
The end of 2017 through 2018 was the hardest season of my life. I was recovering from an abusive relationship, my brother had just left to join the army and I was feeling trapped in a job that is toxic, unfulfilling and draining. My mental health was in the darkest place it had ever been. I was constantly blowing my money on traveling just so I had something to look forward to. I didn’t see any change ahead of me and felt that if I continued in this state I wasn’t going to survive. I had grown to be so functioning in this place that no one noticed, and I didn’t want them to. Sometimes my friends would go weeks without seeing me because faking a smile required energy that I just didn’t have. I pretty much put on a front all the time, and sometimes I couldn’t/can’t keep up with the trap I put myself in.
- God strengthened relationships I had in my life. Some friends were there for me in a way that I can never express in words. Checking on me daily and giving me strong correction that I needed. Questioning me constantly to be more open and giving me a space to be comfortable and vulnerable.
- God placed me in a position to be a mentor in 2 peoples lives who were going through the same things I was. I constantly was overwhelmed and felt unequipped to help them, but as I was pointing them back to God and His word I was refreshing myself as well.
- God provided a way out of my work environment and a path to The World Race.
- God reminded me how blessed I am. How important Every Single Day is, and how every amount of time I have on this earth should be spent to serve Him, to ask for forgiveness. Cause this life isn’t mine.
2.
At the time I had felt so led to leave my current church for various reasons. So going through all this I was church hopping at the same time. I had visited 5 churches in my town alone and was so overwhelmed. Until I went to one church that changed everything. I basically cried the entire service, the sermon was based on hardships, struggles, missions, my favorite book of the Bible James, AND the drummer for praise and worship was wearing a shirt that said Expedition on it. The route that I am doing for The World Race. After all of that I was like O.K! This is it lol.
- God gave me a strong new home while maintaining the stable relationships I had from my old church.
- God challenged me to be bold in social environments and to build new relationships
3.
Im a person who naturally avoids being vulnerable. I hate it lol. It makes me uncomfortable, insecure and gives me anxiety. I’ve realized though that this is a huge problem.
- God showed me how being vulnerable is showing people what makes me me (and if they like me or not, or do or not understand me, to remember that God Loves Me and that’s all that matters)
- God showed me its how I build true relationships
- God challenged me to take advantage of the fact that I go to a different hospital every day for work and take this as a opportunity to practice to be more vulnerable and open with strangers.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Training Camp for The World Race is tomorrow lol.
10 days in HOT Gainesville, Ga doing God knows what in the middle of nowhere to get ready for the next year.
1 Freaking Day Away!!
Aka. the final interview
Aka. another college orientation
Aka. a large group of strangers I cant hide away from for a year
Aka. more people to try and be vulnerable with
Aka. a new family
Aka. this is actually great
AKA. ANOTHER WAY FOR GOD TO CHANGE ME, TEACH ME LESSONS, BUILD MY ENDURANCE AND USE ME FOR HIS PURPOSE!
Soo. It’s lit! I’m gonna keep pushing. Keep challenging myself, and keep trying to be a better me for HIM.
I’m soo thankful and trying to not let my fear get in the way. I’m gonna take all the pain and lessons of the past year and a half and continue to apply them to my life. Cause it was all my personal training for this!!!!!
So pray for me and my team and Gods mission through Us. Cause our flame is about to ignite this week:)
