All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding. Ephesians 1:3-8
Once upon a time, a young woman asked the Lord to teach her how to follow him faithfully and obediently. The Lord responded with unexpected speed and prompted her to apply for the World Race that night. She said yes with excitement and anxiety in her heart. She was accepted within four days and committed to this path within a week. Then, her yes became very, very weak. For months and months and months, the young woman cried out to her Heavenly Father with heartache over her decision.
Am I making the right choice? Is it supposed to be this hard? Will you still be proud of me if I change my mind? God, can’t you teach me in a different way?
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
The young woman fought with her Father for a long time. She was confused, sad, angry, fearful, and so many other emotions she struggled to identify. She couldn’t understand why he was leading her down a road that stirred up immense heartache, and she felt ashamed for being reluctant to obey him. But after a few months, she started to notice something else happening between her and her Father. She noticed that every time she retreated from him in shame, he pursued her with grace. Every time she cried out to him in desperation, he responded to her with tenderness. When her voice trembled with fear, he steadied her with his peace. She noticed that she loved to approach her Father’s throne with vulnerability. She loved to sit with him. To be honest with him. To share her heart with him. To listen to him. She loved intimacy with him.
And so, in the months leading up to training camp for the World Race, the young woman continued to be honest with her Father. The hard feelings didn’t fade, but the intimacy grew deeper. She thanked him for moments when her heart felt light. She followed his lead when he asked her to dance. She cried in his arms when sadness overflowed. She sat with him in his creation. She asked him questions…sometimes he answered right away, and sometimes he told her to wait. She asked him to help her be present in the waiting.
Sometimes she fought with him. Actually, the young woman remembers one specific night, just before training camp, when she was particularly mad at her Father. She felt embarrassed about her emotions, but she knew her Father would understand, so she told him. She told him how she felt and why she felt it. He listened and told her he was grateful for her honesty. She fell apart and he held her pieces.
And then something beautiful happened. He took training camp, something she fought about with him, and used it to clean up the broken pieces so he could start putting his beautiful daughter back together as the masterpiece he created her to be. He used it to reveal more of his character to her. He used it to walk her into greater freedom. He used it to restore her joy. He used it to give her the courage to reclaim her identity.
Plot twist: I’m the young woman in the story. The one who fought with the Lord for months. The one who desperately wanted to walk away from this journey. The one who fell apart over and over again. The one who learned how to beg Father for strength because I experienced a level of weakness I had never known. The one who grew to love vulnerability because it led to a level of intimacy I had never known. The one who is reclaiming her identity.
Training camp was a lot of things for me. It was exciting, loud, and fun. It was overwhelming, hard, and painful. It was itchy, dirty, and smelly. It was healing, freeing, and life-changing. Restorative, worshipful, and sacrificial. It was community. Team. Family. Training camp was laughter. It was dance. It was song. It was growing and honest. It was revealing. Renewing. Prayerful.
Training camp was where Holy Spirit spoke through one of my leaders and told me to forgive Father. It was where I pushed my body to do things I didn’t know I could do. It was where I became dirtier and smellier than I ever thought I would allow myself to become. It was where I saw the Body of Christ come together in a beautiful, selfless, exciting way. It was where I was challenged to use my voice and tell my stories because, ultimately, they are gifts meant to be given away for the sake of the Kingdom.
Training camp is where, for the very first time, I felt peace when I was asked to lead. It was also where, for the very first time, someone specifically told me that I am abandoning my loved ones as I embark on the race. It was where I met my new family…honestly, it’s where I met my new self, too. Training camp was where God gave me an image of the two of us playing hide-and-seek so that he could open my eyes to how he sees me: innocent and joyful and adored with child-like faith that has the power to captivate our Creator’s attention, invoke wonder in the hearts of skeptics, and speak healing truth into the brokenhearted.
Training camp was a lot of things for me. And I’m still learning about a lot of them. And I could probably talk about each one for a long time. But here’s a brief summary: Training camp is where I finally said yes and meant it. Yes to leaving loved ones behind. Yes to doing truly hard things. Yes to vulnerability with new people. Yes to dancing and worshiping and speaking outside of my comfort zone. Yes to letting Christ fight my battles. Yes to forgiving myself. Yes to walking in freedom. Yes to receiving Christ’s pursuit of my heart as I pursue my identity in his.
