Thoughts and feelings overwhelm me as I sit down to reflect on the last three months of my life. There’s much to mourn over, much to rejoice in, and endless praise to be given to our God! Words escape me…but I’ll try anyway.
Today is Thanksgiving and I truly have much to be thankful for. A family that I love dearly, friends back home that I miss with my whole heart, and new family that surrounds me now as I encounter new and foreign (literally) experiences abroad.
The last three months have been nothing short of a full out battle with myself. I think my time spent in Nicaragua lead me to my first tangible realization that I was utterly and hopelessly incapable of finishing the World Race by my own might and that I would have to fight for this experience with all I have and more. No amount of compassion for the orphans and no personal desire to help others would be enough to keep me happy, and healthy, and sane on this crazy journey.
Last month I often found myself missing the life I was trying to abandon. Starbucks, air-conditioning, fro-yo, my own bedroom, control over my own schedule, hot showers, fresh produce, fancy dinners with best friends, cozy nights with family, a full plate of my dad’s homemade chocolate peanut butter bars to my personal disposal… and every other American comfort I so often took for granted. I was ready to leave it all, and now that I had, I was ready to have it all back.
I wrestled with these feelings for what felt like forever. I cursed myself for dreaming about iced americanos and actually hung up on my entire family right in the beginning of a skype date because just simply seeing their smiling faces on the screen brought on a powerful flood of long overdue tears. (The ugly kind, that ends up with snot-covered t-shirt sleeves, or in my case, snot covered arms because it’s far too hot to EVER, ever, wear sleeves in Nicaragua) I was a complete mess and constantly questioning my decision to come on the race. I prayed that God would help me surrender these defeating emotions.
And God is good, and only by His grace, I arrived in Panama with renewed perspective and a full heart. And it’s a good thing I did, because He had a lot to show me here that I would have otherwise missed out on.
When I’m weak, He’s strong.
When I need someone, He’s there.
If I listen, He’ll speak.
If I speak, He’ll listen.
Got tears? He’s got time.
Need to lay down some burdens? He’ll take them.
When I rejoice in Him, He rejoices in me.
Before I even utter a word, He knows my prayer.
When I pray over and hold the hand of one of His ill, sickly children, He says, “Child, this is also how I care for you.”
When I delight in His word, He brings it to life.
When I rest in His promises, He fills me with His spirit.
When I commit to Him the rest of this race, and life, He reminds me of a glorious finish line, of golden gates and a brilliant light.
I cannot thank God enough for all that He is. What is so insane to me is that all of His blessings and truths have been here all along, all wrapped up, and piled high, just waiting for me to dive in and open them. And as we approach this season of holiday celebration, I’m reminded of the greatest gift of all. It’s humble, gentle, and selfless, yet powerful, mighty, and infinitely glorious. Yes, it’s the cross.
I will give praise to God for many things this day, but the greatest of them all is the gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ. Some will reject it, some have never heard of it, and some will believe it with their minds without ever really grasping it with their heart. I pray that you take the time today to truly give thanks to the One who has created us all and loves us all, so much so that He watched His only Son be brutally crucified on a cross so that we, instead, can conquer death, running right into His warm embrace where He has wanted us all along.
Now go, enjoy the turkey dinners with friends and family. Let Him be the source of your joy and thankfulness this day! (And please…break out the Christmas music already!)
Go, Tell It On The Mountain,
Over the hills and everywhere;
Go, Tell It On The Mountain
That Jesus Christ is born!
