In advance…I apologize for making you cry at work, Sister. Especially after you just dropped me off at the airport.
I have spent the last week in Boston where the “mister who came between me and my sister” whisked my sister off to because of a job transfer last summer. It has not been an easy 9 months without her only an hour and a half up the highway or in the same time zone…luckily she is an insomniac like myself so calling her at midnight has not been a problem. We have had an incredible week filled with some serious sibling bonding, celebrating my not so little brother’s 21st birthday, walking around downtown Boston, a Red Socks game (thanks dad!), etc… This week has given me the opportunity to remember how much apart of you someone can become. Almost every childhood memory includes my sister, one of the first people I call is my sister, she is the person I can sit in silence with and feel like my time has been spent well, when I am sick 2000 miles away my sister is also sick, when I call mom she has to switch lines because my sister has also called her… Sometimes I find it ridiculous how we, as sisters, are so much apart of and in tune with one another.
After my last blog she commented, “You have me crying at work again!! I have a feeling that this going to be my life the next year or so. I am going to miss you a ton, a ton but am so excited for you! Home to me has always included you and always will. Your place in my heart is the same whether you are near or far!” My idea of home includes her first and foremost. This new coming home does not mean she is no longer apart of home to me, but it means that I am having to leave the comfortable to realize exactly how much apart of you the Lord can become. The Lord desires to have this place in our lives that we have allowed people to fill. I can give you a long list of the people I have put in the places where the Lord desires to permanently make HIS HOME! The tangible consistently takes precedence over the patience required as we allow the Lord to move into His home. I so desire to be completely in tune with the Lord that when my sister calls to Him in need I call to Him in prayer for her because the Lord has told me her need. That means I am in tune with the Lord and a part of His plan rather than simply in tune with my sister and a part of her life. When there is a need in the world and the Lord reveals that to me, I never want to hesitate to fill that need because I don’t know if it is His voice or mine. God desires this place in our lives. He wants us to clearly hear His voice and know the desires of His heart so they become the desires of our hearts.
My brother in law has continually asked me, “Jessie, are you having a good time? I don’t think you are having a good time.” The reality is this whole leaving thing is starting to set in…my brain has been 50% in the moment and 50% in a state of shock as I come out of denial. I have a big lump in my throat right now trying not to let the reality of leaving so soon take over my emotional state. This leaving home to come home thing is not so easy. Dying to the small dreams in my life has been difficult in order to come to a place where I am sold out to see what the Lord has in store through this next year. The constant question I get right now is “so what are you going to do in a year?” If you see me…please don’t ask! I have a blank slate right now…coming HOME is likely to change every plan I have ever had. I anticipate beginning this process to become more in tune with the Lord will drastically change any attempt I have to answer that question today.
I pray that the Lord takes you on a journey to become more in tune with Him whether that means remaining steadfast, taking a drastic leap, or just altering some portions of your life…know it is worth it!
I ask for your prayers as this 3 week series of goodbyes begin…
I ask also that you pray my eyes remain on the Lord when I desire to look back rather than forward…
Thanks for joining this journey…
