So I guess it is safe to say that this past summer has been a spiritual peak in my journey with Christ. Before applying for the Race, during the application process and in the first few months of being accepted, I had hit a point in my life where I decided I was more than willing to lay down my life for Jesus. I prayed to God that I was ready to sacrifice everything, to give up my life to Him. I was willing to follow where He may lead me. It is safe to say that it was at that point in my life I was truly satisfied. I was happy. It was not a selfish happiness. I realized that all these earthly things I possess, they meant nothing compared to what I have in knowing Jesus. I don't just mean material things, I mean EVERYTHING…I was willing to sacrifice my friendships, my job, my education, my family…everything….so that I could serve Him.
For the past few months I have let depression become a stronghold on me and my relationship with Christ. As much as I am looking forward to this journey with the World Race, I began to hate the life I am living here in Cape Breton. I just wanted to be alone, to sleep, to go to work, to go to school and come home. I became lifeless. As was spoken tonight by a friend, it is important to gain strength in Christ but it is WAY more imporant to shine our light outwards in order to reach others. It is great to stay within our comfort zone and invite Jesus in, but we must go forth into the world and invite Jesus to show others the grace in which He has shown us. How am I supposed to go away next year and shine a light that is so dim inside of me. Where is that fire I used to long for?
John 60:63 It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. In reading this tonight I realized that lately I have not been living at all. I am alive in the flesh, but that means nothing. It is not until I open myself back up to the Holy Spirit that I will have life again. Slowly but surely, I am beginning to once again breathe the breath of life.
