I have attached a link to a video in which inspires me and gives me strength on those days I begin to question and doubt my calling to be a missionary…
I have been feeling the urge to blog for a couple of weeks now, but couldn't seem to find the right words to sum of the crazy amount of feelings I have been experiencing.
Many, if not most people that I meet make the comment that I am "mature for my age." Yes, I do seem to have a greater understanding of life and its difficulties along with its blessing than most 21 year olds, but at the same time I feel that I am alone in this. I seem to have much different focuses and goals than most people my age. I don't know why it is that my life seemed to have taken a different path than almost all of the people I graduated high school with. Why is it that I am not focused on enjoying university life? Why is it that I do not want to go out and party on the weekends? Why is it that I long to meet the person whom I will spend my life with, who I will start a famiy with and settle down? People think I am crazy and am rushing things and wishing my life away, and then I feel frustrated that they don't understand me.
I thought I would go to university, come out with a career that I would love and enjoy for the rest of my life and then settle down – eventually purchasing a house, a new car etc… I am not sure if it is God stepping in, or what it is…but it seems as if something is preventing me from doing this; becuase I am meant for more. I feel like God is screaming at me saying "NOT YET!"
I am slowly beginning to realize that there is so much more out there than the comfort of my community, my family, my job, my belongings…That ANYTHING is possible. I have learned from some devistating deaths of friends in the past couple of years that life really is short. We often hear people saying this, especially when there is a death…but as quickly as the thought comes, it is gone again and we are back in the hustle and bustle of our busy lives.
I have no idea where this life will take me…I have no idea what I am getting myself into when I leave for the Race in July…I have no idea what I am going to do when I come home next year…
I am slowly beginning to feel comfort in not knowing…
I am going to take each day as it comes, I will take what life throws at me and make the best of it, I will have good days, and bad days, I will thank God for the good things in life and ask him why about the bad…
I have the feeling that during this year I am going to mature more than ever…I will grow through the good experiences, and the not so good…Although I might not understand why things happen, I will be glad in knowing there is a reason for it. Because I am meant for more.
