Yesterday afternoon I was scrolling through the web when I came across the word, kintsugi. Kintsugi is the Japanese form of art where gold or silver is used to fix broken pieces of art such as pottery or sculptures. On amusingplanet.com they use this description of kintsugi, “most people would like damages to their broken items to be concealed and hidden by repair making the object look like new. But the Japanese art of kintsugi follows a different philosophy. Rather than disguising the breakage, kintsugi restores the broken item incorporating the damage into the aesthetic of the restored item, making it part of the object’s history. Kintsugi uses lacquer resin mixed with powdered gold, silver, plantinum, copper, or bronze, resulting into something more beautiful than the original.” Immediately I thought of how God does this with each one of us.
The world tries to teach us that wiping away who we were is how we will become beautiful or how people will like us. Very rarely do we find people in this world who ask us to embrace every part of ourselves even the dark parts. I am unsure if men struggle with self-image as women do so often, but viewing myself with worth has always been my biggest struggle. Perhaps, it was the choices I have made in life that brought so much insecurity or maybe it was just the way I have let things affect me. Whatever it may be I have come to realize how damaging insecurities are to my life as well as those around me. My insecurities have affected nearly every relationship I have had in my life. Each time in the past when I tried to start making myself better I thought it would be best if I acted as if nothing bad ever happened as if none of the past affected me deeply like it truly does. No matter how hard I attempted to erase those memories the truth of the pain would eventually release. Thankfully, God brought to my attention that I cannot erase my past, I must embrace it so that those around me can see how God has mended me back. He is using his version of kintsugi to make me more beautiful than before.
This may come as a surprise to many people but, it was not until recently that I could look in the mirror and find myself as beautiful. Like many people I could always find something wrong with my face, my body, or my personality. To say it bluntly, I found myself to be an ugly worthless person. I have found this not to be true at all. God brought so many people into my life this year who have shown me my true worth, which has helped immensely. It is not an easy road to walk through all your pain and fears without moments of doubt as to whether God truly wants the baggage you carry, but he does. He wants it all and that is what love is. In the song, “This Love,” by Housefires the lyrics state how God’s love is an everyday kind of love, a love that won’t leave you because your past is bad, his love doesn’t care if you don’t think you can cut it. (Reflect on those words for a moment)
For so long I let my insecurities eat me alive to where I thought everyone viewed me negatively, which prevented me from being the person who God wants me to be, prevented me from showing the beauty he has bestowed upon me. How selfish is it for someone to hide God’s beauty from the world? It is amazing how being revealed to the truth will change your perspective on just about everything. I cannot say there are no moments of doubt, but I can say I know they are lies. The trick is to not let the lies win. Prayer helps, prayer from friends help, but most of all God’s constant love helps. I firmly believe that God would not have fought so hard for my life if he did not think I was worth it, and that my friends makes me feel more beautiful than any man could.
When I am on my trip one of our ministries will be working with prostitutes. As I think of the women I will come across I think of how silly it is for me to feel broken when they have gone through far worse. Despite how difficult the battle of my insecurities may be it has led me to growing a heart for women stuck in prostitution. I cannot help but wonder if they have felt worthless or ugly as I have. My stomach turns as I think of the thought of women going through dark times as I have had, and I am anxious to meet them. I want them to know of God’s sweet love as I have found. I want them to know that God will mend their brokenness. I want them to know that God will repair their damages with the treasures of his love. Treasures that are worth more than gold and silver. If the Japanese can make beautiful art with gold and silver, how much more beautiful can God make the broken with his treasures? Please pray for the millions of women stuck in brokenness, and to those of you who read this that may struggle with insecurities I pray you turn to the one who made you, the one who fights for you, and the one who saves you. Beautiful things are worth fighting for and God is fighting for you.
Ecclesiastes 3:10- He has made everything BEAUTIFUL in its time.
