Sorry it has taken me longer than expected to give an update, but it has been a whirlwind of a journey already. So here’s an update over the past month or two of how God has been working in my life.
I remember thinking I was crazy. Crazy to place an order of 150 shirts out of pocket. I am a frugal person, generally speaking. I have always been taught to be independent and be able to provide for myself. During this preparatory season, God has had to break down barriers in me that I never would have thought possible.
I mean, let’s be honest, having to step out and ask people for their addresses to send out support letters is not the first thing on my bucket list. Like I said, I like to feel independent and asking for help is hard. Real hard. So stepping out on a limb and trusting God to lift me higher than the forest was going to be difficult. I had to have faith that this was something God wanted me to do and that He would provide the funds and opportunities to sell these shirts. I had to trust that people would buy them. Little did I know that this first fundraiser was going to show me that not only is God the ultimate provider, but He gave me peace in meeting my first deadline… in advance. I was blessed with over $5,000 in about a month from the generosity of others. Isn’t God good!?!
My first reaction…well I was speechless to say the least. I had not fully grasped the magnitude of how easily God opens doors and clears a path to areas in which we cannot see through that forest. The impossible is possible with my God. I just couldn’t grasp this for some humanly reason. A friend literally had to chat with me and affirm to me that God wants me to go on this mission trip. He was giving me peace to know that in advance of any manmade deadlines. His timing is perfect after all.
My next response…I made the deadline, so I will be going to training camp in August!!!
Oh wait. I would have to start prepping for training camp. I would NEED gear. I have never been on a long excursion to even know where to begin in buying a backpack, tent, liner, footprint, sleeping pad, and the list goes on. I was lost and overwhelmed…again. This entire prep process is basically God tearing down walls from my comfort zones and building new foundations of embracing my fears. I have never camped in an area that did not have a bathroom before, and this would require me stepping out of ALL my usual physical comforts. I decided to make a trip to REI- Recreational Equipment, Inc- and do some shopping with the help of some nice and patient staff. FOUR hours later, I was able to come out with the gear I needed. After some serious thought, I decided to spend the night outside and try out my gear.
“What am I getting myself into?” is all I could think.
But thankfully I didn’t have to try it out alone. Sleeping outside is always more fun when not alone.
Not only that, I would now have to start training and hiking with my gear.
Gear can get heavy, fast. I learned that quickly as blisters formed around my hips from my backpack. Again, more fun when not alone. Fortunately, I have friends willing to put on backpacks and share in the burden of training with me. Friends coming alongside me to support me in more ways than one, through prayer, time, and encouragement. God’s provision is abundant in not only finances, but also community and friendships.
God just keeps showing up.
One of my greatest fears is public speaking. Now, this is not your average case of stage fright…or at least that is how I feel about it. lol. I mean my body literally has a physical response, and I can feel my veins dilate, blood rush to my face, and then I start stuttering! It’s a horrible feeling. And yet, signing up for this journey, I knew I would be called to publicly speak at some point. And then it happened. I was given the opportunity to speak in front of the Youth Ministry on a Sunday and let me tell you, I prayed for a good while before speaking.I asked for prayer. I talked about it. I prepared for it. But in the end, was I really going to let the fear of messing up keep me from sharing God’s goodness and glory over my life?God definitely gave me confidence and peace where I thought I lacked in it. The experience was liberating. God LITERALLY used my fears to show His Glory. No stuttering, no redness, no fear. I mean, of course, I was nervous, but God gives the words when I did not have them and a peace to calm my anxieties.
Isn’t it crazy? It’s crazy! To think that I have been worrying about so much for so long. All it really takes is faith and trust that He is the ultimate provider. He can provide financially, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
This journey has only just begun, and I cannot imagine what else is in store. I cannot imagine what else I will learn. I cannot imagine what other fears, weaknesses, walls, obstacles, barriers, and anxieties God will tear down. He doesn’t have to take me over the forest or through it, He can completely tear it down. Clearing the forest to build a new piece of handiwork.
This is only going to get more difficult.
If in the end, ONE life gets touched by these experiences – by my sharing in what God has done in my life – and what He can do for them in their lives…it’s worth it.
