Hello from Nicaragua!
The Csterhood has arrived to Ometepe, Nicaragua, an island in the middle of a lake in the middle of Nicaragua! We survived a 15-hour travel day turning into about 53 hours of travel in a hot and cramped 25-passenger shuttle (there were 20 of us plus two drivers). We were intending to travel through the day and into the night from Guatemala to Nicaragua, but because of a 2.5-hour traffic stop and the danger of border crossings at night, our travel day expanded exponentially. We spent the night in a hotel in El Salvador and the next day we went through four border crossings: exiting El Salvador, entering Honduras, exiting Honduras, and entering Nicaragua. These varied from quick and easy to long, hot, and nerve-racking. But bless the Lord! We made it! Throughout our journey, we had a bible study and worship jam session on the side of the highway, watched Beauty and the Beast on my smartphone from underneath a scarf, endured cramped sitting conditions for hours upon hours, ate a lot of gas station food, sweat a LOT, watched two incredibly beautiful sunsets, and created good memories together. This was my first and longest road trip and I absolutely loved it. I didn’t enjoy being crazy hot or getting sunburned through the window, but I loved everything else about it. And now we are in Nicaragua! Wahoo!
This month we are living and working at CICRIN (“see-krin”), a three-part ministry: a home for children whose parents/families cannot support them, a daily prevention program for kids to receive meals and schooling in return for doing chores on the property, and a school for kids both living here and in the community grades K-7. Since it is all-squad month and our squad is made up of three teams, we are rotating weekly between three ministries. One team is working in the school with the children and the after-school program, another is helping in the kitchen and around the grounds, and the final team is going to battle in the spirit for CICRIN. The latter was my team’s ministry this week.
My team was asked to spend this week intercessing for CICRIN and the community in prayer. We were given a lot of freedom in what that looked like, but we were told that CICRIN has been under spiritual attack and needs prayer warriors to fight back on their behalf. We decided to spend every morning in worship together, preparing ourselves for the day. Then we spent time praying over the grounds, children, administration, buildings, programs, teachers, volunteers, and projects here. There was a component of “Ask the Lord” (ATL) to it; we made our plans for the day at the beginning of each day and let the Lord lead us to where He wanted us to go. Some of our team went into town, praying and sharing the Gospel. We had Bible studies together and walked the grounds in prayer.
I was excited for this week. One of my goals for the Race has been to develop Kingdom-focus, so I was pumped to spend a whole week fighting for Kingdom and being in prayer for this ministry. When I first became a camp counselor, my small group leader told me that I could spend the whole summer in a locked room praying for the camp and my prayer ministry would make just as much if not more of a difference than being a counselor and interacting with the kids; that’s how important prayer is to ministry. So I went into this week with a deep understanding of the value of the work we would be doing.
I also knew that going into battle meant that we would be under attack.
It seems logical, right? An army of soldiers don’t show up to battle thinking it will be easy, peaceful, and safe. So when we were told we were going to battle against spiritual warfare at CICRIN, I knew immediately that it wouldn’t be as easy as walking around the property and saying some prayers. I knew that going to battle in the spirit meant we would be putting ourselves on the front lines of spiritual warfare. I knew that we needed to be prepared, united, and protected with the full armor of God. I knew that it wouldn’t be safe for us to be alone, for “two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble… A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, 12).
What I didn’t expect was how hard and fast the attacks would come. We were under attack before we could even get into battle formation! Moments before we sat down for our first meeting of the week, we were attacked with miscommunication, misunderstanding, and a whole lot of lies. We got hit hard, as a team and as individuals. The whole day ended up being heavy, exhausting, and really really hard. We were definitely fighting a battle.
For me, I was struggling with believing thoughts like:
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I am the broken piece in my team and I cause disunity.
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I am not important to my team and I have nothing to offer them; I’m not needed.
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My team would be better off without me.
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The team time I led was bad and no one liked it; I should have made it more fun.
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I’m too serious and I don’t know how to create fun.
The next morning I woke up feeling dejected, exhausted, worn out, and overwhelmed. One of my teammates saw me, noticed me, and pursued me later that day. I broke down to her about all of the thoughts I was having and believing and she challenged me with so much truth and so many hard questions. Weeping, I made this list:
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I am important to my team.
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What I bring to the team is valuable.
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Keeping my words and my gifts to myself is selfish and unfair to my team.
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My team is awesome and God is going to do awesome things through us.
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My team is under attack because in full unity, we will be a FORCE to be reckoned with.
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My team – the whole team – loves me, wants me, and needs me.
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I am NOT the problem or the broken piece.
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I AM experiencing growth in ways worth celebrating.
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I sharpen my teammates; they need and want my feedback.
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The journey I am on is beautiful.
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I am leading my team in vulnerability.
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It is not selfish, weak, or prideful to ask for what I need.
I also have been grieving broken expectations of myself and grieving the death of my false self. It’s been hard and painful and really confusing, and I don’t understand where I am or what’s happening in the process enough to share with you the nitty gritty details, but I have steadfast hope in the faithfulness of our good God, so I’m excited to tell you about it later! That’s something you can be praying about for me.
As a team, through this week and the attacks and battles we have experienced, we have grown so much! We are starting to feel comfortable telling one another our needs without fear of being perceived as needy or feeling shame in needing. We are walking into vulnerability and honesty and challenging complacency and comfort. It’s so good. I like us a lot.
Yesterday, we felt led to have a Bible study together in the afternoon. We spent some time praying about where in Scripture we should go, and my teammate Melissa suggested 1 Samuel 17, the story of David and Goliath. We got so much out of the study together and it was really affirming to us since we were in the middle of a battle and were facing giants. Our team leader, Ally, pointed out that Goliath came out to the battlefield every single day for 40 days, taunting the Israelite army and slandering the Name of God. She pointed out that until we face our giants, they will come out to taunt us every single day. Yikes! This made me do a little counting and I realized that it was day 41 of our World Race! It was time to sprint out onto the battlefield, face our giants, and trust that the Lord will give us the victory! I also remembered during the study that during Training Camp, it was declared over us that as a squad of all women, we will walk and live as David this year… wow! That’s a bold declaration.
Thank you for your ongoing prayer for me and for my team. We certainly need it! As we battle in the spirit here in Nicaragua on behalf of our team and our ministry in Ometepe, please put on the full armor of God and fight with us and for us.
To God be the glory forever, and praise to His Name for His goodness and faithfulness!
Love y’all! xoxo Jess
