So I recently have been in awe of what the Lord can do.
From how he can provide
To how he forgives
Understands
Listens
Believes
Trusts
Encourages
Stands with me
For how much he cares
Sacrificed
Loves
For how much he challenges me
Proves me wrong
Supplies for me
And while in awe about what He can do, in disgust of what I can do
Get irritated
Say mean things
Not trust in Him
Plan
Try to take control
Did I say not trusting in Him?
I know my list of the negative things I do seems short but they’re all connected to one another I kept repeating the basics. When I don’t trust in the Lord I try to take control, I try to plan things out, I try to take His power away and do His duty. I don’t only to this to myself i.e. life, fundraising, packing, but I have also tried doing it for the ones I love. I have felt I have protected some of my loved ones in the past and always felt it was my duty to protect them in the future. But that’s not the case, Let go and let God. Ever heard that statement before? To let go and let God is to finally give up reign of our lives as well as others and trust that He will be taking care of all things, LIKE HE ALWAYS DOES. It was never really me that protected the in the past, it was Him. The Lord may have used me in some way, but it wasn’t my doing.
My problem, I need to trust that the Lord will provide for me AND those I love like He has in the past. Today I just announced that I’m FULLY FUNDED for my trip!! A goal I had set out for at the very beginning of the journey was to be fully funded before I left. And just a mere five days before I leave, He blessed me crazily. What I didn’t realize when I started this journey, was that the journey began before I’d even set foot on an airplane. I’ve grown already just in the fundraising process due to all the people He supplied to be a part of His kingdom spreading.
You see, in my life I’ve been trying to control people and their decisions by being a good example my whole life. I had my morals, but I cared so much about what younger people could see because if they were to grow up and do something we’d consider ‘bad’, I could never blame myself because I did the ‘right’ thing. I seemed to believe that if I could control myself, I could control their futures and protect them from the things and types of people that hurt me. What I’ve been finding out more and more about myself is that the things that hurt me are exactly the same things that MADE me. Getting my heart broken, being in abusive relationships, feeling abandoned and alone, feeling inadequate, wanting to not live anymore, ALL emotions due to the hurtful events and actions in my life have just lead me straight to HIM every time. You see, the pain that people get mad about God allowing to happen, ultimately brings joy. There’s a song that mentions that there may be pain in the night but the joy comes in the morning (Your Love Never Fails – Jesus Culture) and I tear up with JOY every time because the tears that I have shed in the past for pain have produced ten times the amount of tears that I have shed basking in His glory. His Love truly never fails.
Here’s to taking deep spiritual time throughout 2017, figuring out more about His Love, His plan, and how to spread the joy and knowledge of His Story.
