You Taught My Feet to Dance Upon Disappointment

And I, I will worship. 

I guess I did have an expectation for Nepal, because I’d realize that I was subconsciously disappointed in some areas this month. First of all, where our women teams live look nothing like the scenic photos you see of Nepal; no sight of mountains, except occasionally if we look hard enough we can find snowy peaks that are far, far away, but that’s it. Second, although people do speak Nepali, we can so easily get by with English, so there isn’t much language barrier, which has both pros and cons (convenience vs. learning the language/culture).  

We live on a $4 food budget each day, over half the time we don’t have electricity, water is generally scarce, and we cannot go out (i.e. for getting groceries, getting drinking water just 3 feet away from our stay, and going to the coffee shop in the morning or during free time) after sunset or by ourselves. But we also have access to guaranteed Internet by going to coffee shops, be able to get our house supplies and daily produce (toilet paper, peanut butter and jam, bread, vegetables, etc.) easily (as long as someone goes with you), and do ministry that has been going really well. I really have nothing to complain and I choose not to. 

We are living in neither comfort or devastation, just…mediocre. 

Yes, living situation does get hard sometimes (especially when water runs out completely and there’s poopies upon poopies in the toilet), and yes, ministry is going well in a sense that I’ve been able to connect with the women we teach English to and share Jesus’ love to the women working in bars and cabin restaurants/prostitution. We even experienced casting out of demons and some deliverance! But see, it’s hard for me to describe how this month has been for me because I feel right in the middle between great joy and despair, everyday. However, growth still takes place in the midst of mediocre. Everyday, I’d choose to intercede for my women teams, asking for God’s presence and protection over us, asking for divine encounters or man of peace, and just praising Him wherever we are. Everyday, I’d fight against my flesh in order for God to take lead and submit my selfish desires and thoughts so my words and actions would truly be Spirit-led. 

It’s a constant battle, wherever you are. Life may disappoint you but God never will. Hear me out, even when God doesn’t seem to answer prayers at times just like how it was for me last month in Japan, He is the Great I Am who chose us out of the galaxies and who He is is faithful, all mighty, and full of love. Who am I to tell Him, “no, you are doing it wrong! This isn’t suppose to go this way!” Who am I to tell the Holy One, the Righteous One, my Creator that I’m not happy with my circumstances or how I look, it’s my sins that are hindering me from seeing the truth that He’s purposed in me, to use me as a person and the duration of my life to glorify and worship Him. It’s time we fight against the lies that Satan feeds us so easily and run to Jesus everyday.  

Let the heroes rest

Let the striving cease

I lay down my crown

Here at your feet

 

I will trust, here in the mystery

I will trust, in You completely

 

Awake my soul to sing with Your breath in me

I will worship

You taught my feet to dance upon disappointment 

And I, I will worship

 

 

– “Heroes” by Amanda Cook –