“My daughter, you have not lost your way. You have not missed out on a talent. You have not been short-changed on intelligence, on beauty, on personality, on gifts. You are not supposed to be more coordinated, more funny, more organized, more entertaining. You are not supposed to talk more, lead more, run more, do more.
You are not failing. You are not falling. You are not disappointing . . . Not when you are resting in Me. Not when you are looking to Me for your worth.
Take a risk and fall down.
Take a risk and not know what you’re doing.
Take a risk and feel ill-equipped to finish the task.
Take a risk and feel overwhelmed.
And then stop. . .
Did you invite Me in? Did you do these things on your own, on your own strength? What strength was that, child?
You are made to soar, to risk—with Me—and see Me and grab my hand and live unlike you’ve ever lived before: Free.
Stop pondering the ways you need to do life differently. Stop second-guessing where I am and what I love doing with you and how amazing and beautiful I’ve made you to be.
You, my daughter, are the princess-warrior who knows who she is and goes forward saying ‘yes’ to situations where you have to rely on Me.
And then, girl, you will see more of what I see. Then, girl, you will see more of you.
And life with Me will make more sense.”
“Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to be present you faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,” – Jude 24
This morning just felt like it has wrapped up everything this month. The first day I got here, I just had a sense that God was about to teach me something big this month. I felt kind of an overwhelming sense of fears and the unknown. I immediately came across the verse, “You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourselves, Stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord. Do not fear or be dismayed, for the Lord is with you.” – 2 Chronicles 20:17 I didn’t know that there was going to be a battle, but whether it is just a battle of fear or the unknown that God is already fighting it for me.
The second day I came across “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” – John 14:27. Looking into the word peace: 1. Peace secures composure in difficult trouble (John 14:1) 2. Dissolves fear (Philippians 4:7) 3. Rules in the hearts of God’s people to maintain harmony (Colossians 3:15).
As a team we had finished another bible devo last week and one part was my absolute favorite. God has a plan for us, when we mess up or do something wrong, in reality with us by God’s side, everything takes a thousand times longer along a pothole path with our mess-ups, it’d be easier for God to do it Himself. He loves us enough that He wants us to keep going. So when we do mess up, He doesn’t tire of us. He doesn’t write us out of the script or make rash elisions about our fate. Just like how happy parents are when their child takes their first step, that’s the reaction on God’s face for every tiny small step we take in getting closer to Him.
Being here has been a tougher place for me to be. Spiritually I feel I’m fighting. There has been areas that I don’t agree with, there has been times when I feel my patience is wearing thin, there has been moments I actually felt upset/angry.
I realized this morning that I am here, to learn more about Him. I’m here in the middle of rice fields, in a place where 3 meal options are available, in a place with no WiFi, a place with running water here and there, in a place that I cannot go and escape, in a place where I have to continue to be present. I realized all these things are in place because I found that my absolute moments of comfort was when on that first day I sat out overlooking the rice fields and got that verse from 2 Chronicles. It was when I laid outside staring at the stars while listening to worship music. It was when I decided to celebrate Christmas in July with my team and remember the reason for our Savior. It was when I wanted to cry, but just the right song and verse came and made me feel secure and safe. It was the times I started my day by reading the Word.
Here where I am staying outside of Tabanan, Indonesia. Everywhere I been, I see kites in the sky everywhere. One day on my way home I could count 27 kites in the sky. I kept telling myself, alright there has to be a lesson for that. God is teaching me something, he brought me here and I have not seen kites anywhere else like I have seen here. I kept thinking too deep about the meaning of watching the kites outside our backyard. I came up with the simple meaning this morning that God is simply holding the kite. I am the kite. The Holy Spirit is the wind. I have to remember that I work with the Spirit, so together we can fly. I have to trust that God will hold me up, even if the wind was to stop, God still has a hold of me. I have to trust. It’s that simple. I feel these past 2.5 weeks in Indonesia has taught me another level of deeper intimacy with the Lord. God is Good.
