Have you ever seen Princess Diaries? The movie where the teenage girl, Amelia, finds out she is royal and will inherit her grandmother’s throne?!! She takes “Princess lessons” daily for weeks to prepare for inheriting the throne.
This has been my life for the last many months—Princess lessons. God has been breaking and rebuilding, pruning and planting, tearing and healing. It’s been difficult, but so so good!
At the end of last month, God told me to buy a Saree in India—a traditional India dress. For what occasion, you may ask?! To be a princess!! I’m not much of a dress-wearer; however, this made me excited.
Days before we went Saree shopping, I got nervous. I knew I wanted to look like a princess, but I know that I’m really picky when it comes to patterns—I wasn’t sure if I’d find one that I’d like. So I gave it to the Lord: “You know me and you want this for me, so YOU can pick it out! Make me jump in excitement when I see it, and allow me to KNOW which one to choose!”
Saree Day: We arrived at the first shop. The store owners graciously unraveled SO MANY sarees to allow us to see them. Niki and Sara found ones they loved; Julia found one she liked, but she wanted something different. Me—nothing.
We headed to the next store—Oriolyne found hers and Julia found one. I really just wanted to pull the entire store apart to look at all the sarees. I didn’t want others to wait on me. I turned around to the shelf directly behind me—and there it was. “Oohhhhhh,” I said; everyone looked—Jess never reacts to clothes!!
I debated. Is this the one I really want? I wanted one with purple and teal. This one has teal, but not purple. I really like it, but is it really the one?! I prayed again. Everyone was wrapping up their shopping. I decided to take it. The moment I said yes, God reminded me of my past.
_______________________________________________________________
Leeanna and I drove to Portland to see Hillsong and other various artists at the WinterJam concert. We had time before the concert, so we did what any other female would do—go to the mall! As we walked around, we saw that Deb’s dress store was going out of business. It was always fun to browse at the dresses with the sisters; I never had the guts to try on any dresses, though. BUT THESE ONES WERE ON SALE!!!
I found a pretty blue prom dress. Leeanna talked me into trying it on. It was beautiful.
I stared at myself in the mirror in the changing room as my head filled with all these thoughts: “You would never wear this. Why would you buy it and never use it? You don’t wear dresses. If you won’t wear it outside the house, then you shouldn’t wear it inside. You aren’t worthy enough to be beautiful. You aren’t even happy, so why fake it with a dress.” Thoughts of shame about my current relationship filled my head. I wasn’t happy. I thought I would never find a man who would love and cherish me for who I am; from my experience and witnessing other relationships, I’ve haven’t seen a relationship that wasn’t manipulative. “I don’t deserve any better,” I thought.
I took the dress off, not even allowing Leeanna to see it, and put it back on the rack. That was the Lord’s way of calling me a Princess, and I didn’t listen.
______________________________________________________________________
Almost two years ago, God sent me a special friend to start preparing me for Princess-hood. He told me many times how God made me special, beautiful and unique. He never let me talk down on myself, and with his constant reminders, as well as reminders from other people, I started believing it!! Even through the hard times, he never let me forget it.
With a change in my thinking and listening to what others told me, God started healing wounds from the past and started rebuilding my identity.
Throughout the World Race, God has sent me through “Princess training,” teaching me what a Warrior Princess looks like. He is teaching me how His Princess should think, behave and live—to Walk, Talk and Dress like you are a Chosen One!
And because He loves me, He gave me a Princess dress—one very similar to the first one years ago but much more beautiful and personal!
So here it is: Jessica in her Royal Apparel—Princess of God’s Kingdom!
*Here is a special thanks to Nathan for being an amazing friend and helping me change my thinking. You have diligently spoken the Lord’s truth over me, refused to give up on me, and have been such a great support since I met you!
*Thanks to Natoya in Trinidad for our many conversations; Josh K, Mike H, Sue M, Jenny B and all the other amazing friends who poured into me as well! I couldn’t be here without your constant love and support!! Thanks for being obedient!!
