Surprise, surprise. If you didn’t know, I am in fact in Spanish-speaking countries until the end of the Race. I took three years of Spanish in high school, but we had different teachers each year, so we were always a bit behind trying to pick up where the last teacher left off. And apart from maybe 30 days on Duolingo since high school, I haven’t practiced Spanish in about seven years. So I’m a little rusty, though I was never even close to fluent to begin with. But I’ve appreciated the chance to learn more Spanish, and I’m surprised at how quickly vocabulary I memorized years ago comes back to me. I would love to one day be fluent in Spanish, so I hope to take time at home to be intentional in finishing what I started back in high school!! But for now, I speak like a 1-year old child and can barely form complete or grammatically correct sentences, but it’s all good.
I thought it fitting for my title to be what it is because we sang this song a LOT with the kids here in Chile. And if you’ve been curious what the title of this blog actually means, it says “I have so much to be thankful for”. I didn’t have room for it in the title, but the song actually says ‘tanto’ 13 times, which means ‘so much’. I have so so so so so so so so so so so so so much to be thankful for, and that is pretty much a perfect summary of this month.
About a week into our time in Chile, I hit a breaking point. I was enraged. I was so over the Race. One too many frustrating things had happened the day before and wow, I was so sick of it. I had dealt with nine months of minor frustrations that had now escalated to a breaking point. If I have to listen to one more loud noise while I am trying to sleep, I swear I’m gonna…..If I get told to do something I don’t want to do one more time, I WILL throw a tantrum. I KNOW what I’m passionate about and I’m sick and tired of being here to ‘serve’. I’m over having to throw my toilet paper in the trash can. Like can you just get pipes that work? Living out of a bag is fine for a week, but I’ve been doing it for nine months straight. For real, the WiFi can’t work well for once in my life? If I have to wait 45 minutes for an Uber that was supposed to arrive in 15 minutes one more time, I will most likely scream. Should I go on, or have I acted like a big baby long enough?
Ok, so now you’re thinking, hmmmm, Jessica really is a baby. Those things don’t sound so bad. Well, it’s been nine months of minor things, and it is kind of hard to deal with multiple minor annoyances all at once. And it’s even harder now that God has revealed so much to me about what I want to do at home. I’M SO EXCITED TO DIVE INTO THOSE THINGS AT HOME. It’s difficult to continue working with different ministries that as bad as it sounds, I have no passion for. It’s been an honor to get to serve with these ministries, but God also calls us to do what we are passionate about, and 11 months of doing things you aren’t passionate about is exhausting. But it has helped form perseverance in me and teach me so many things I needed to learn before I can do what I am passionate about at home. This year helped me discover those passions too.
But despite my being enraged that one day, God was faithful. The next few days, we had rest from ministry, so I took some time to tell God everything I was thankful for about the Race. And it completely changed everything. I know I’ve talked about thankfulness before this year, but it really is a game-changer. This year has meant so much to me. I have learned so much about myself, other people, and the Lord. I have grown in so many things and gotten to have so many experiences, and I simply cannot express how blessed I am to have had the chance to do the World Race. Thinking about all the good that has come out of this year truly boggles my mind.
I fundraised for 11 months, not 9. I committed to 11 months, not 9. God clearly has more for me, even if there are only 2 months left. Have I been reminding myself of why I came on the Race? Have I been chasing after the things I hoped to grow in this year? Have I been asking God for miracles and more of His presence? Have I sat and really just thanked Him for this year? Or have I been allowing the annoying situations and my desire to be home change how I live these last few months on the Race?
I was definitely doing the latter. I let the annoying things get to me. I felt like I was completely entitled to my anger and frustration with those things because what person can deal with so many annoying things every single day for nine months straight? If I let myself sit in the frustration, of course I’m going to be enraged. I mean, those things ARE annoying. But if I allow the Lord to shift my perspective, it brings immense joy and new life. Seriously. All I had to do was sit down and truly express my thanks to him, and my perspective shifted completely. I let myself remember the amazing things I have gotten to do this year, and the only logical response to thinking about those things was to thank God and to live with a new perspective.
Do I really want to regret these last two months because I’m tired and want to go home? Do I really want to be sad and unhappy when I could have abundant joy and life to the full? Do I really want to sit in anger and frustration and spread it to everyone around me so we can all mope together? Do I want to give up after nine months even though people supported me for 11?
The answer to all of those questions is not really. Why would I mope about the Race when I only have two months left and can still learn and see so much? I don’t want to regret my time here, and I want to appreciate every second of it because God really is faithful and so so good. Yes, those things I mentioned above will probably still annoy me throughout these last two months, but I can either choose to live in thankfulness or live in annoyance, and I’d rather just reflect on the good that comes out of the hard things because it’s SO MUCH BETTER. Life is GOOD now. Of course I want to be home. I miss my family and friends and life at home, but this, right here, right now, in Chile. It’s so so good. I’m content. I’m thankful. And I’m living in awe of the good and faithful God I serve.
