Two months have passed since I officially committed to the World Race, and they have been filled with ironing out a lot of details. Who knew there would be so many things to take care of when you decide to leave the country for 11 months?! I’ve been busy creating a Power of Attorney, writing a will, figuring out where to store my car and what kind of insurance coverage I want, telling my boss I’m leaving Eide Bailly (I’ll still be there until November or December), beginning the support raising process, getting vaccinations, figuring out how in the world I’m going to pack one bag for 11 months, and so much more!
Meanwhile, my emotions have been all over the place. If you ask me how I feel about the World Race at any given moment, my response might be that I’m terrified and can’t believe I signed up for this, or I might be giddy and smiling from ear to ear telling you how great it’s going to be. Last week, I experienced giddy joy every time I thought about it, but this week, I’ve been struggling with doubts….again…..*eye roll*. I think my biggest fear going into the World Race is leaving friends and family to do something where I have absolutely no idea what it will be like. I can guess, but I ultimately have no clue and can’t help but wonder how I will make it though 11 months of the complete unknown. And if I allow myself to dwell on the logical answer, it’s obvious that I can’t. My human nature kicks in, and I start stressing out like crazy because I thought I could do this thing, but deep down I feel weak and totally unable to do it.
God thinks we are so cute when we strive to do things on our own or think that somehow we are controlling the outcome of any given situation. He thinks we’re so cute because He loves us so much, and His love for us doesn’t change when we try to do things our own way. His love for us never changes regardless of what we do, but God desires for us to rest in who He is, not in what we can do. Literally nothing we do or think we achieve is because of something we ourselves did. Don’t we so often fall into the trap of thinking if we just pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and try a little harder to stop complaining or try a little harder to be nice to that one annoying person that somehow we will succeed? How is that actually working out for you? Are you able to consistently say the right things in every situation and love every person around you all the time? Because I’m not. And that is a really tough thing for me to accept. When I look back on my life, I am so tempted to think about how successful I’ve been and everything I did right in order to get there. Those thoughts lead me to think I can somehow be a better follower of Christ by striving to do everything right and my actions are somehow getting the results I want without God playing any part in the outcome. Hence my doubts this week. My thought pattern has gone a little like this: me, me, me, my weakness, I can’t, I’m not good enough, I don’t have the right personality for this, me, me, me – catching my drift? The problem with that thinking is the focus is on what I can’t do, not on what God can.
We can’t attribute our success and blessings to how faithful we have been or how earnest we are in trying to do the right thing. The reality? The Christian life has nothing to do with earning our way to God because NOTHING you can do will make God love you more than He already does RIGHT NOW. The only way we truly follow Jesus is by receiving His finished work on the cross and having relationship with Him. Jesus’ final words before He died on the cross for our sins according to the Gospel of John were “It is finished”. If we believe in Jesus and receive His forgiveness for our sins, we are made new without having to earn anything since Jesus’ death on the cross finished the work for us. All our achievements become obstacles if we can’t let them go to embrace Jesus. This life is not about earning or achieving anything because the truth is that we can’t. God doesn’t even have to utter a word and His will is still being done, regardless of whether I was perfect all day or not. When we receive what Jesus has done for us, we realize that it is not because of what we have done, but because of His amazing love and sacrifice for us that we can be free. Letting go of our striving and desire to earn something from God reminds us of how much we need Him, and the reminder of that need leads us to be truly passionate about following Jesus because we are so incredibly thankful for what He has done for us. We want to do the right thing because we love Him, and there are no ulterior motives. We look back on our life and realize we really are becoming more Christ-like, all because we focused on God instead of on our own merit and achievements.
I don’t know about you, but it’s a huge comfort to me to know God is the one who works through us, and we don’t have to reach a certain level of goodness or win the gold medal for “Nicest person around” to be used by Him. Instead of worrying about how I will survive the World Race, I can seek God first and the rest will fall into place because the focus isn’t on me. I definitely won’t survive it, but with Him I can. I absolutely won’t be effective in bringing people to Christ, but He changes their hearts. I in no way, shape, or form can offer anything up to God He couldn’t already do for Himself, but He works through me to bring about His glory. Isn’t it far better to have real relationship with God that is not dependent on our achievements? And that is what I will need to be constantly reminding myself of every day leading up to my departure, every day on the World Race, and every day for the rest of my life – it’s not about me and what I can do at all because it’s ultimately all about Him. When we feel insufficient, God does not remind us how great we are or tell us to try a little harder, but He reminds us of who He is, and He is always enough for anything we face in this life.
*****Shameless plug: Judah Smith is the pastor of Churchome in Seattle, and his sermons are amazing and have helped me grow in my faith and passion for Jesus so much. I often bring him up in conversation and I’m sorry for this being like the twentieth time for those of you who know me well but I just can’t help it. He just has so many good things to say. Like so many good things, I am telling you. One of his most recent sermons “No More Wrestling” was exactly what God knew I needed to hear (and a lot of this blog was based on that sermon). God keeps reminding me in so many different ways it’s not about me but it’s about Him – even the hymn I sang in church this morning (A Mighty Fortress Is Our God), one of the lines was “Did we in our own strength confide, our striving would be losing.” Ain’t that the truth?!
https://churchome.org/messages – You’re welcome 🙂
