I’m almost halfway through my time on the World Race. “Wild” seems like a good descriptive word to summarize that fact, and it’s also a word that has now become a part of my regular vocabulary due to its common usage amongst our squad. But the World Race and all that goes along with it really does feel wild. Day to day life seems pretty normal, but when I actually sit down and think about my life, I simply can’t believe I’m seeing so much, growing so much, learning so much, and just getting to do something this crazy. Oh yeah, I just went to Singapore the other day, am currently in Malaysia, and will be going to Indonesia this week. No big deal, right? Man, my life feels insane right now, but in a good way.
I came on the Race for a lot of reasons, one of them being that I wanted to discover what I was really passionate about. With going to 11 different countries, I potentially had 11 different ministry opportunities that would give me a whole lot more exposure than I’ve ever had. I was hoping by coming on the Race that I would be super passionate about a particular ministry and have a better idea of what to do when I came home.
Well, I think I’m starting to get a glimpse of what my passion might be. The funny thing? I always knew I was passionate about it, but I never knew what to do with it. I didn’t have any practical options for how to pursue it, and honestly, the thought in my head was so unformed that I just never looked into it further.
Yet now that thought is coming into my head much more clearly than ever before. When I was in Bangkok at Life Point Church (a church I LOVED SO MUCH), I was talking to someone from the church, and he asked me what I was passionate about. I told him that was a lot of the reasoning for my coming on the Race – to discover that. But then I told him how I felt passionate about people who grow up in a Christian home but don’t really understand their faith or don’t feel like it clicks. But they follow the rules and do the right thing because that’s what their family and friends would expect. But they feel like they can’t talk to anyone about it because they don’t want people to think less of them or feel like people wouldn’t understand. So they struggle through high school, through college, not knowing what to do or who to turn to. They WANT to figure out their faith and hate feeling like it doesn’t click or make sense, but they simply don’t know what to do.
That was me. That is so much of my story. For most of my time in high school and college, I truly desired to have faith but I couldn’t find it. I felt like I had no one to talk to because everyone thought I was the perfect Christian girl. Meanwhile, I felt constantly lost and I felt like such a fake.
I know I’m not the only one. I know there are so many people out there who have no one to talk to about their struggles with faith. They don’t want to disappoint family or friends or seem rebellious. I have such a passion for those people because I want them to know it’s okay to talk about it and voice their struggles. Isn’t it better to say you’re struggling with your faith than to pretend everything’s alright and never get past it? I think the church today has become very accepting of people saying they are Christians but never really showing any fruit in their lives, and that is so damaging. No one ever questioned my faith or challenged me in any way even though I wasn’t actually following the Lord for many years. As Christians, we should want to call our fellow brothers and sisters higher. Those who claim to be Christians should have evidence of Christ in their lives, and if they don’t, talk to them about it in love!
I’ve known for a while that those people are my passion, yet it didn’t even become fully clear to me until month five of the World Race. The ministries we’ve worked with have been great, and I’m so thankful for those opportunities, but none of the things I’ve done so far have sparked a passion in me. Funny that someone just needed to ask me the question, and I had the answer all along. Not to say God won’t give me a passion for the ministries to come in the next six months, but I have some thoughts of things I would be very interested in doing after the Race. However, I am not going to share those details just yet as I have many more months to go, and they are just thoughts at the moment.
And now as I continue on the Race, I’m starting to really miss home. I really miss my friends and my family a lot. Of course I could say I missed people in month one of the Race, but I hadn’t been gone long enough to truly miss people. Now knowing I have six more months to go before I get to see the people I love feels a little overwhelming. Don’t worry, I’m not about to quit the Race and come home or cry my eyes out every day for the next six months, but I’m definitely beginning to understand the difficulties of being gone for so long. I have a wonderful life at home and an amazing community.
And I’m ready. I’m so ready to dive in when I come home. Some people on my squad have talked about doing other mission programs or traveling for many more months after the World Race before going home, but I really feel like home is where my heart is. I feel like it’s where I need to be and where I want to be. Obviously, God could change a lot in six months, but right now, I’m starting to miss home because I can already see how I could live out my faith at home whether I’m working a full-time accounting job or doing something completely different. I am PUMPED about coming home but am still excited to see what God will do in the next six months because I think there is still a lot I need to learn before coming home. My coming on the World Race has been so amazing in how it’s revealed so much to me about myself, other people, and God’s plan for my life. I won’t claim to know his plan fully, but the excitement that fills my heart when I think about home really makes me feel like home is truly where my heart is and where God is going to use me. Until then, I’ll enjoy the journey and keep trusting God will reveal more and more to me as I continue on this wild adventure!
