Alrighty, I am quite passionate about the topic of this blog. Prepare yourselves. I mean, I’m always passionate about what I blog, but still. Coming on the Race, I thought I knew myself pretty well. I’ve taken random personality tests throughout my life, I’m pretty self-aware, great. No need for any of that cheesy self-discovery stuff this year besides maybe figuring out what I’m passionate about in ministry. Hmmm, well, turns out I’ve learned a ton about myself this year, and it’s SO GOOD. Now before you check out and say you know yourself as well as you need to, just hold up a minute because I bet there is something new you could learn about yourself if you put in the effort.
I’ve never been big on personality tests or self-awareness. Yes, I always acknowledged it can helpful to know about yourself, but until this year, I didn’t realize how helpful it really could be. I took various personality tests at the beginning of the year because everyone and their dog was talking about them and how great they were, but it wasn’t until month six on the Race that I really started to buy into those kinds of tests. And I am SOLD now.
I realized after being on my first team for five months that I NEEDED to learn how to communicate with people who didn’t think like me. News flash. Not everyone thinks like you, processes like you, or is motivated by the same things as you. At home, many of the people I interact with think very similarly to me. And I’m also not living with them 24/7. Even when I had roommates, we had different jobs and different schedules, so we saw each other every day, but on the Race, you spend far more time with the same people. You often sleep in the same room, usually can’t go anywhere by yourself, and you do ministry together, adventures together, and you get the point. It took me far too long to realize how different people are from me, but I needed to learn why people did the things they did.
How come some people are never ever on time? How come some people avoid dealing with hard things like the plague? How come some people get so caught up in their emotions they can’t function? How come some people think for such a long time before they act?
There are so many more questions I could ask about why people do the things they do. But after really diving into the different personality tests, particularly the Enneagram, I was able to answer a lot of those questions and learn how to better interact with people. I’ve taken the test twice, and I’ve identified as a One both times. The Enneagram One is often called the ‘Perfectionist’ or the ‘Reformer.’ And when I read the description, THAT IS ME. I finally began to understand why I seem to struggle with frustration and resentment so much more than other people. And why I am constantly beating myself up for not doing something perfectly. And why I’ve been called a perfectionist too many times to count. And why I often struggle with feeling like I’m not a good enough Christian in comparison to others.
As a One, I can quickly see things that are imperfect, both in myself and in the world. After reading more about the Enneagram and listening to different podcasts, I realized not everyone has such a high standard for themselves, and I am so critical of myself for things even if they were done well in the eyes of others. The first person I condemn for not achieving perfection? Myself. If things are really inefficient or poorly done at schools, jobs, different organizations I am a part of, I notice those things right away and am already thinking of how to improve it because I am constantly trying to achieve what some might call my ‘perfect little world.’ I see the bad in something and then do whatever I can to fix it. Ones can have a bad rap for being perfectionistic all the time, but as I learn more about myself, I can see what a huge asset being a One is.
I can see things that could be improved better than other Enneagram types, and I usually am able to think of lots of ways to fix it and make it more efficient. I constantly strive to do the best work I can. I have a sense of mission that leads me to make the world better. I have high moral values, and I want to be as useful as I can to those around me. When I am healthy, I have a lot of enthusiasm and passion for what I do, and I can be very encouraging and let’s just say PUMPED about life.
On the other hand, I clearly have my faults as well (don’t worry, I have picked myself apart plenty of times and know my faults full well). Because I strive for perfection but can’t truly attain it or make the world around me perfect, my expectations can get dashed often, leaving me feeling angry and resentful towards myself and others. I can be too strict with myself and tend towards self-hate or disappointment with myself when I don’t achieve what I set out to do. My core sin issue is that I can be self-righteous in thinking I can do it all on my own and thinking my way is the best way.
But the best part about knowing these things (and those are just a summary) is that I can recognize when I am teetering on an unhealthy ledge. I can so much more easily recognize when I am being critical of myself for something I don’t need to be, and I am learning to give myself grace. I am understanding more about God’s grace, because if you hadn’t already guessed, my One inclination also causes me to try to earn God’s grace and love instead of resting in the fact He has already taken care of everything on the cross. Sometimes it’s as though I look at what God has made (me!) and say ‘That’s not good enough. You clearly made a mistake.’ But God has already said I am perfect in His eyes if I trust in what Jesus did for me on the cross. Not only am I learning to not have such unrealistic expectations for myself but also for others. It’s great if I can see something inefficient and fix it, but I won’t be able to fix everything. It’s all about how I use my natural gifts and abilities to better the world but not to condemn it when it doesn’t align perfectly with what I want or see it could be. I won’t ever obtain my perfect little world, and I’m learning to be fine with that. I won’t ever be perfect on my own, and that is okay, because I am made perfect through Jesus.
Honestly, I could go on and on and on about the different personality tests out there, and I hope to get to learn more about them when I have more consistent WiFi at home, but what I do know already is growing me so much. There are countless resources out there on the Enneagram that teach you how to communicate with all the different types. Those resources also help you recognize unhealth in yourself, give you tips for growth, how to rest well, and so many more things.
Maybe you’ve heard all the buzz about different personality tests and think they aren’t really worth your time. You are entitled to your opinion; I didn’t really see the need for them myself until this year. But I would encourage you to do some of your own self-discovery because you might be surprised by how much self-knowledge can truly improve relationships with those around you. Learn their love languages and Enneagram type and Myer’s-Briggs type. You might start to have compassion on those around you when you understand why they do the things they do, and you might find you can love people so much better when you know how they best receive love or what they need to feel energized and rested. I’m also learning to have compassion on myself and understand how uniquely God has made me. And you know what? Despite my flaws, I am actually quite pleased to be a One, and I love the way my brain works. How about you? What do you love about yourself?
Enneagram test:
https://www.eclecticenergies.com/enneagram/test
A Christian podcast that goes through each Enneagram type in more detail with people from each type:
https://www.anniefdowns.com/tag/the-enneagram/
Myer’s-Briggs test:
https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test
Love Languages Test:
https://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
Four Tendencies Test (how you deal with internal and external expectations):
