Have you ever felt like you pour so much into relationships only to receive nothing in return? You do everything you can to make someone feel cared for and seen, and it seems they don’t really care to connect with you in any way. They appreciate how well you love them yet can’t love you back or initiate time with you.
Now I promise this isn’t meant to be a pity party because I have a point, but I’m not gonna lie. I’ve felt this way so often. I’ve felt like I’ve tried to be so intentional with people. I want to hear their stories, I want to ask questions about their lives, I want to encourage them and be there for them. And it’s not as though I do this so I can get it back in return. My motive in doing those things isn’t tied to what I get back, but I do want to connect with people and show I care.
Yet, as time has gone on, though it’s such a selfish thought, I have to say it even though it makes me cringe a little. I want to be loved in return. I want so badly for someone to see that I need encouragement too. I need to feel loved and seen and appreciated. And not to say no one appreciates me, but I often feel like I pour a lot into relationships only to feel unneeded, unwanted, and unloved. Okay, well I’ve now asked you 50 questions about your life and exhausted all the possible conversations about how your day was. I don’t really know what else to do right now because you’re literally asking me nothing, so I guess our conversation is over. Ok bye. Oh, so you’re saying if I don’t strike up the conversation, you never will? Sounds good. Let me get that conversation rolling right away.
The thing is, I seem to be desiring human love where what I desire is something only God can satisfy. Do I really need other people to validate me and show me I’m seen when the Creator of the entire universe sees me and loves me? I mean, obviously it’s really nice to feel loved by the people around you, but if I truly understood the love of God, I’m not so sure I would feel so incredibly hurt by other people not loving me back. All that to say, I think it’s a lifelong process that none of us may ever figure out. Do you actually know someone who wouldn’t be hurt by being completely rejected? I don’t want to say you shouldn’t be hurt by people not loving you back, because it’s a real pain that is part of our lives. But I do think if we even understood an OUNCE of God’s love for us, we might not even care about how well people around us were loving us.
And you know what else? It really really sucks to think about, and it makes me want to cry a little bit just talking about it because of what it means I have to do. So you know Jesus? Well. He died for ALLLLLLL of our sins, past, present, and future. And not only that, but he suffered and died a horrific death for us knowing that some of us wouldn’t even choose him back. He died for ALL people, not just the ones He knew would choose Him. And even for the ones who choose to live for Jesus and accept Him as their Savior, there was a time before they chose Jesus where they lived a life that completely rejected Him. Before I truly encountered Jesus and chose to live for Him, I was doing my own thing and living my own life with no real regard for Jesus and what He did for me. I was basically telling him I could care less about the fact I’m made in His image and that He died for me. I was not giving an ounce of love to Jesus even though He poured out and continues to pour out extravagant love and grace for me.
Ummm, and it gets worse. So Jesus basically said we were supposed to love like He does. Multiple places in the Bible. How in the world do I do that? Jesus is perfect and He’s God, so yeah, there’s no way I could love like that. But we are called to anyway. Well YIKES. So that means I’m supposed to love the people who don’t love me in return? Yes. I’m supposed to love the people who don’t appear to care about anything I’m going through? Yes. I’m supposed to love the people who never acknowledge that I even exist? Yes. I’m supposed to love the people who continue to hurt me even when they know they are hurting me? Yes. Oh boy, I’m really not liking this. You mean to say not only do I have to love the people who are truly kind people and don’t even know they are hurting me, but I ALSO have to love the people who hurt me with the full knowledge they are hurting me? YES.
Ok Jesus, well I’m definitely going to need your help on this one because I have this feeling it’s going to be a lesson that comes up way too often in my life. The best part though? Even if I don’t love people perfectly, Jesus will forgive me and help me to try again. And He is changing me every day and making me look more and more like Him. It may never be easy per se, but it will get easier as I continue to look to Jesus for help.
***Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard is a really great book in story format that has so many cool lessons about us and God. It talks about self-giving love at some point, and it’s SO GOOD. I highly recommend that book!
