Sometimes I feel like the Race isn’t anything like people say it is. Sometimes I feel like it’s overrated…like people don’t give an accurate description of it.
Like I don’t give an accurate description of it.
The truth is, this past month I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t want to try to pursue my team. I didn’t want to learn to prefer them or learn to understand them.
I was homesick. I was so worn. Burned out.
And I felt like, even though I tried to rest, tried to allow God to fill me, I had a giant hole somewhere inside me that wouldn’t let me keep anything inside…like it ran right through me.
I still feel that way.
The other day, I saw a picture of a Racer with an elephant and the comment was, “just a typical day on the Race…” like that happens all the time.
The truth is that is not a typical day on the race…
Yes, the World Race is such an opportunity. I know God called me here.
But that doesn’t mean it can’t become “normal…”
Some days, all I wanna do is go home.
Some days all I wanna do is stop moving.
Stop loving, only to say good-bye.
Some days all I wanna do is stop sweating.
Some days all I wanna do is be alone.
Actually, completely alone.
I read blogs like this before I left, and never thought that’d be me…
but right now it is.
People ask me, “How are you?”
“What is God teaching you?”
“How was your month?”
and I say, “I don’t know.”
“I don’t know.”
“yea, it was good…?”
Inside I’m tired of talking about the Race.
Sometimes I do have those moments when I realize…
This is actually my life right now. Woa!
But it’s only part of the journey…there has been so much before…
and there will be more after.
Sometimes it seems like life before doesn’t exist…
like everything after hangs on these 11 months.
And that’s not true.
People can be on the race for a few months, and God can call them home.
He did in them what He wanted to be done.
I think it happens. It’s ok.
I know, no matter where I go, the grass can seem greener on the other side.
“If only this would change…” is useless.
Going home isn’t the answer.
I’m realizing that God wants me to embrace the moments that I have.
every day.
no matter where I am.
Sometimes I just want to forget that I am on the World Race.
I just wanna take it out of that “box,” and the “label” and live life.
Somehow I’ve focused on the race…like the monthly countdown will sustain me.
Bull crapp.
It never will.
Honestly, some days, some months on the race feel like you’re getting through.
one day at a time.
Gritting the teeth of your heart and smiling because God has you here.
Sometimes that’s the only reason.
Staying because “it’s the World Race” won’t cut it.
There needs to be more.
