At the end of this past month, we found out our homecoming dates.
It’s crazy that we are already at that point. Looking back, the last few months, especially in Asia, have seemed to pass quickly.
It’s strange to be thinking and praying about the time after this season.
For so long, it’s been about these eleven months and everything that went with it.
It was only by God’s grace that I said “yes” to going in the first place…
And now, looking ahead, I see a lot of question marks staring me in the face.
Who does God have in store for me to pour into and be poured into?
What job? Nursing or something else?
How do I transition back into home life? and church life? and friend life?
What dreams has God grown and touched my heart to use in the future?
I find myself grappling for control again.
Just wanting to understand.
Just wanting to know.
Leaving was so hard. But sometimes I find the thought of going back almost just as daunting…
Obviously, with these thoughts in my mind, it can be challenging to stay present here in Malaysia.
After talking with my family this morning, I was feeling torn and tired. I realized I hadn’t read the Jesus Calling for today, so I pulled it out.
Understanding will never bring you Peace. That’s why I have instructed you to trust in Me, not in your understanding. Human beings have a voracious appetite for trying to figure things out, in order to gain a sense of mastery over their lives. But the world presents you with an endless serious of problems. As soon as you master one set, another pops up to challenge you. The relief you had anticipated is short-lived. Soon your mind is gearing up again: searching for understanding (mastery), instead of seeking Me, (your Master).
The wisest of all men, Solomon could never think his way through to Peace. His vast understanding resulted in feelings of futility, rather than fulfillment. Finally, he lost his way and succumbed to the will of his wives by worshiping idols.
My Peace is not and elusive goal, hidden at the center of some complicated maze. Actually, you are always enveloped in Peace, which is inherent in My Presence. As you look to Me, you gain awareness of this precious Peace.
Provebers 3:5-6; Romans 5:1; 2 Thessalonians 3:16
BY THE GRACE OF GOD:
I will stop trying to figure it out and grappling for control. Instead I will trust His plan.
I will focus on the here and now because it is the only time that has been given to me.
I will lean on His understanding and not my own.
I will thank God that I am always in His family, even when I am so eager to see my own.
I will allow the ache of surrender to drive me to Daddy and not away.
I will thank God for community He has given me in this season and grow with them.
I will be ok with not knowing what patterns He is weaving on the tapestry of my heart because He is the Master. And I am not.
Amen.
