Note: BSU (Baptist Student Union) and BCM (Baptist Campus Ministry) are the same thing, I just use them interchangeably.
So you see, what had happened was … Once upon a time, back when I was a young college student/recent college graduate – you know, pre- Fall 2010, I got to do this cool amazing thing called BSU (BCM) Summer Missions.
Three summers – 2008, 2009, and 2010, I was a summer missionary.
My first summer was spent living and working at a Baptist Children’s Home in Kinston, NC. I lived in a cottage with teenage girls, but I went around to all the cottages leading nightly devotions and I led Sunday School for the girls in my cottage. Also, I served as a lifeguard for the campus pool and assisted with recreation.
My past two summers I have been a missionary in Beaufort, SC working with a team of High School and College Students as part of Low Country Ministries. I was a member of the Community Ministries Team, we went into government funded housing communities and led Backyard Bible Clubs each week. We also assisted churches with their Vacation Bible Schools, and led worship services with music and drama for youth groups that came down to Beaufort for a week during the summer for a mission trip.
In addition to being a summer missionary, I spent two years as a member of the State Missions Team, and a third year leading the State Missions Team. This team planned the theme, and publicized the positions that our team decided on for the upcoming summer. We were also responsible for encouraging schools/students to donate so we could send summer missionaries.
Why do I say all this? Well, as you can see … BCM Summer Missions is near and dear to my heart – it is part of my identity.
This past weekend, BCM held their annual “interview weekend” where BCM and various camps in NC observe students and interview them for various positions for the upcoming summer. This weekend I helped review paperwork and alphabetize files. Basically anything logistical that needed to be done, I helped with.
After leaving from this weekend, I felt completely overwhelmed and upset by the fact that my time as a summer missionary has to be over. I have spent years learning the ins-and-outs of “BCM Summer Missions.” My confidence in that area has grown and I feel valuable as part of that team… but now, I’m done. I’m no longer wanted or needed, and a new batch of students are moving into these roles. Despite the fact that I knew this time would come, I can’t help but feel rejected.
Going on The World Race is still being a missionary; however, I am now part of an entirely new community. In this community, I am unfamiliar with everything and I don’t feel as valuable. Something in my heart is holding onto this pride that I feel has now been bruised because I am now on the outside of a ministry and not at the center of it. I’m not sure if it’s the unknown that has me so upset or the fact that I feel less important, maybe a little bit of both.
I have seemed to become entirely too focused on myself and the identity that I have found in BCM, when in fact, I should be focused on an identity reflective of Christ in me. I suppose I have been stuck in the familiar and hiding in my comfort zone. Now in this new season of my life I have to grow up, and realize that being a missionary isn’t about what I can do; instead what God will do through me. Perhaps I need to be broken of this feeling that I am important, because to be honest nothing about me is important – Christ is important, and if I have to start from scratch to learn that again, I will, even when my heart still breaks for the ending of a chapter.
Luckily, this new chapter is looking pretty promising, and obviously, I have to grow up…
