Growing up all I ever wanted was to get away. I wanted a fresh start. I wanted to go somewhere where no one knew me … another chance to be someone different … to make a life for myself: a perfect life where I didn’t have to depend on anyone else … a life of my own.
So I went to college … but that didn’t give me what I wanted.
So I spent three summers doing mission work so I wouldn’t have to be home … but that wasn’t it either.
So I graduated and moved back home … that obviously wasn’t what I wanted.
So then I secured an internship and lived on my own … but that wasn’t my independent life either.
So then I left the country … four months ago I left the country, sure that this was my way out.
“Are you going to get homesick?�
No way. I don’t even like spending that much time at home anyways. I will be the last person to ever be homesick. This is exactly what I want … to be away from everything that I know. …
I take that back now. The longer I spend away from home the more I realize how much I miss my family. The more I realize how for so many years I took advantage of the life that I was blessed to have. The more I realize that even though it wasn’t my definition of “perfect,� it was a life that I should have spent more time investing in, rather than running from.
I never thought I would miss home the way I do, but I guess the old saying is true,
“You don’t know what you have until it’s gone.�
Part of me has no idea why this revelation would come about right now. Not even half way through this trip is a horrible time to realize that I already had what I wanted and I left it, and during the holidays of all times. I can’t believe I left the family that I didn’t appreciate the way I should have, and in essence, I ran away from the best thing in my life. But I don’t think I would have made that revelation had I not left the country … and now that I know the value of what I left back home, it makes the sacrifice made this eleven months even greater.
Originally, I wasn’t leaving anything that I would miss too much … everything was about me.
Now I have a new perspective on the people who have shaped my life. I have a newfound appreciation for the sacrifice my family has made for me to live the life I have …
I have a newfound thankfulness for the support that I receive from them, and I understand the truth in the words they spoke to me.
How could I invest so much into the lives of those I didn’t even know on mission trip after mission trip, but I couldn’t even be the first (or the second) one to volunteer to do the dishes back home? How could I be so excited to clean and work outdoors for people I didn’t know, but would gripe and grumble when it came to the smallest of tasks to help my family? Yet through all the selfishness, they still supported me every time I left to find myself and every time I left to find something “better.�
I hope and pray that they knew I would make this realization one day.
To my family,
Thank you for letting me lead the life I wanted and for supporting me in every whim I decided to follow. Thank you for letting me be free to expand my horizons. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for your patience with me as I droned on and on about never wanting to live at home. Thank you for letting me live my life, and showing me the value of family. I know we aren’t perfect, but my heart is where you guys are, and that is enough for me. I love you all.
… Now I have 7 more months on this World Race, and I have 7 more months to miss you guys like crazy … but I have 7 more months to learn how to love the way I should. I have 7 more months to continue having my life molded, and to learn how to be more servant hearted to those who mean the most to me.
I still need $3,850 to be fully funded and to complete these 7 months. As much as I would love to be back with my family, I know that I need 7 more months to finish what I started and to no longer be running from home, but to embrace living life. I don’t know what my life will look like when I get home, but I promise that I will value my family more, and I will become more focused on others and less focused on making for myself a “perfect life.�
Perfection is learning to see the flaws and loving past them. Perfection is remembering the good times and not focusing on the bad times. Perfection is learning to see my family the way God sees them.
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