Sorry (in advance) for such a lengthy blog, but this is your official “April Support Updateâ€� – and it’s totally worth it to read the whole thing, but to start here’s some fun dollar amounts: Thank you to all my past and current supporters who have helped me to reach my current amount raised (including pledges) which total – $4,827.92! … $1,172.08 left until I reach the $6,000 mark and have my spot secured on the plane to Kenya in August and … $9,972.08 left until I am FULLY FUNDED! With that being said: I have been staying busy recently, and unfortunately that leads to partial burnout and partial intentional distraction. I stay busy to fill the time, but in doing that I lose time or I wear myself out and don’t have energy on the days when I do have time. Continuing in this vain of honesty, my quiet time with the Lord – my prayer life and my time in the Word have suffered greatly in my attempt to consume my life with busy work. I need to fall back in love with Jesus. Don’t get me wrong, I love Jesus, but I’ve become lazy in my spiritual walk. I keep telling myself that this next event … this next whatever… is going to rekindle that fire and I am going to be passionately and madly in love with Jesus again – Hungering for His word and to be alone with Him. The only person I’m fooling there is myself, there is no magic day where it is going to become more convenient, where I am going to be less busy and/or tired, and where ultimately it will be easy to get back on track. I need to quit saying tomorrow, and begin today. One step at a time I want to draw closer to the Lord, I want to have a renewing of my Spiritual life – I want to truly feel the power of prayer again and I want to truly spend time not just reading the words in the Bible and moving on, but truly seeking a deeper understanding and seeing the Scripture with fresh eyes and excitement and passion! There are no words that could express how grateful I would be if you would please search your heart and pray about how you would feel called to support me (whether through prayer and/or through a one-time or monthly donation, by clicking here.) So far I have purchased my pack (woot!)… I have a sleeping bag and a pillow… my next major purchases will include a sleeping pad, a tent (shameless plug: if anyone has a lightweight 2 person tent under 5lbs that they are willing to let me borrow, have, or buy for cheap, pleeeeease message me!) and international insurance! Oh and then this summer I will start getting vaccinated! I am beginning to see all the small details coming together so this is really going to happen … it really is!
Hello April … Where did March go? I can’t believe how absolutely crazy fast time is flying this year! I have been working semi-diligently towards reaching the elusive goal of $14,800. I wish I could say whole heartedly the month of March was attacked with excitement and fervor after the amazing month I had in gaining support during February. Unfortunately, I have battled with sickness and fear over this past month. Sickness, it happens, you can’t really control it. However, fear has kept me kind of stuck this past month.
I have applied for a Missions Scholarship Partnership through my local Baptist Association, and I have also mailed support letters to churches and Women’s Missionary Union Directors at churches. The ball has begun rolling on trying to gain a larger network of support, but where I have stumbled is the follow through. I have a fear of being rejected, and I will be making follow up calls in the next few days in regards to the letters I have sent. I am completely terrified of the words, “No, we aren’t interestedâ€� or “No, we can’t help you.â€� They are just words mostly from people I don’t know, but the worry still presents itself. But as I have been thinking about this ridiculous fear, I have felt the Lord reminding me, yet again, that He won’t show me all the blessings He has in store for me until I truly step out on faith – in my actions. It’s one thing to say that you are trusting the Lord to provide and just sit there and wait (not to say He can’t provide like this), but I know I have been called to get out of my comfort zone and to ask people directly to support my ministry and my calling. Sometimes I am unsure that I will be able to clearly communicate my mission and my need for support and partnerships.
I can be a perfectionist at times, and I need my words to sound eloquent and pretty. I am also a control freak, and I need to know the outcome before I take action. This trip is going to break me of these stumbling blocks. When I try to maintain such control, I fail to release my grip, and find myself trying to achieve goals in my own power and not in the Lord’s power. I know, I know. It seems like I just learned this lesson a couple months ago and maybe this is just me, but I’m pretty hard-headed and sometimes I have to learn and re-learn lessons. Not to say that this is something I am proud of, but if I’m being honest, I still battle circumstantial trust issues. When I see things happening, I trust that God is actively working on my behalf, but when I am not seeing the same measurable results, I let Satan start that whisper of doubt in my ear – “Will He really provide?â€�
In February I fasted from checking my Support Account to fully focus on trusting that God would provide for my financial needs. In that month – my first goal was exceeded. Recently I have truly been wanting to hit the big $6,000 (100% because I want to board that plane in August and 10% because I want a large glass of Sweet Tea – if you missed it, I gave up caffeine a little over a month ago until I reach this second support goal!) With that being said, now that I can rest assured that I will be able to attend Training Camp in May, I am feeling led to fast from checking my Support Account again from April 2, 2011 to May 2, 2011. But unlike my last fast (where I mainly just removed the time consuming action without replacing the time that was being spent stressing and focusing on money with time focusing on God), this time I want to be very intentional in maintaining a quality daily quiet time- getting my heart prepared for what I will experience at Training Camp, and trusting that God will provide the funds needed for me to finish the work that has been started in my life. I am trusting that he will calm my spirit as I begin the follow up process with contacting churches. Finally, I am trusting that as I seek him more fully, He will provide more fully the desires of my heart.
