Bitterness. One word that utterly destroy's…one word that kills. That is…if you let it.
How did I learn this lesson?
From too many times experiencing it and allowing it to kill.
Several friends of mine were in ministry setting. We were there to minister to a team of people who did crisis phone lines. My spiritual father was preaching and at the end he released us to pray over these people…to literally break the chains off their lives. I was ministering to a lady and then she went down. My spiritual father had been standing behind me and leans in to tell me, "follow her down." I did exactly that…I followed her down, prayed and watched as God loosed her of the bondages that held her.
Another time, a friend of mine as well as myself get called in to the office. Deliverance is happening and we've been called in to "assist and pray." My spiritual father sits at his desk and "monitors." Again, one more completely set free by the power of the blood.
These things I watched almost daily….minimally weekly or bi-weekly. I was moving forward in my calling. I was serving where God had me and couldn't have been more excited, or more at peace, or more content. I was walking in my freedom through the blood and Word of Jesus Christ and leading people in to it daily.
And then…
I let bitterness settle…and things went downhill.
See, there were several things that took place that year. The death of a 22 month old child that I loved dearly… I watched the family struggle…this family that I considered myself a part of in a weird way. It was all downhill (by my choice) from there. Relapse…hatred…tears…pain…and bitterness.
After that accident, I never really did deal with everything that had taken place in my heart. I tried but something deeper held me in bondage. This week, I discovered it. My stubborness and free-will. As a result to this bitterness and hatred settling within, I ran from the very thing God was calling me to do. I ran from the very vision that burned deep within my being. And by now, you are probably asking why I'm sharing all this information. Well, as a result of all that, I ended up deciding to go on this race…decided to go away from it all to serve Jesus…in a different place then where He wanted me.
I am now living at home with my parents and have recently withdrawn from this race. I will be spending this time here, saving money and getting myself financially and most importantly spiritually and emotionally ready (as ready as one can be) to move back to Minnesota. Relenquishing my spot for the race was difficult but I know where I belong and I know by running, that I am not going to be able to serve to the max. My heart needs to be right before I can truly shine the light of Jesus through the nations.
So, with all that said, I will be blogging on my new blog site. If you still desire to follow me and keep in touch with what the Lord is doing and speaking to my heart, feel free. If not, I thank you all for taking the time to hear what our amazing Lord and Savior has done in my life through this process.
Here it is: setmeablaze.wordpress.com
God bless! 🙂
