Have you ever been in a moment of being terrified of the unknown?
Have you ever been in a moment of emmense doubt and confusion?
Have you ever been in a moment where you aren't sure why you are doing what you are doing and there is no peace regardless of which way you position yourself?
Well…this was me in February.
I heard the call to go on the race, "submitted" and started moving in that direction. With this call, came a challenge. The challenge was moving back in with my parents. Back to a small cluster of towns where I had no real depth of a spiritual life… No real understanding support… No home church, no christian friends, nothing…except a job transfer and a little bit of faith.
I connected with old friends and started heading down the old path. Frustration flooded my being. Confusion flooded my being. After all…how could I be going down this road yet again?
I had lost all intimacy with the Father. I had stopped taking time to hear His voice.
My vision was seeping through the cracks…losing all focus.
I decided I just couldn't take it anymore. I needed to go back to my "original" vision. I needed to go back to the comfort of the spiritual covering…the spiritual comfort zone of a ministry I was all too familiar with. What ever made me think that I was to return to something that God Himself had moved me on from? I had not been released to go back!
For the last several months I've made stupid choices, had consequences for those choices, and come to the realization that regardless of how hard I run, I can't get away from Him.
The tugging at my heart never stops.
The tears shed for the nations never cease.
And the call of God is never revoked.
He NEVER changes His mind. What He says goes.
My heart has been re-kindled. My spirit has been renewed. My faith has been restored.
It's yet again a new beginning…but at the same time…there is no beginning or end. It's all about and in His perfect plan.
I'm back. Full force. I heard the call and I responded saying "Yes" I will go… And I will go regardless of what comes my way. No fear, No failure will stop me. Faith propels me.
