The one thing I struggled with most of my life is fear. It was a gripping thing within the deepest part of my soul. It was not an issue that I advertised. In fact, most of my life I didn't even realize how fearful I was.
It was October 17, 2007. It was the evening service for spiritual emphases week at Teen Challenge. I was fresh into the program, still extremely hard hearted and rebellious. I refused to hear anything that anyone was trying to show me or tell me. On that night, God got ahold of me. This man of God decided to "read my mail"… in detail. God got my attention. He mentioned a young girl who had just come into the program and she was about 18 or 19 years old. Mind you, I turned 19 on the 9th of that month, and had entered the doors of the program the 8th. He continued by saying that now that she was sobering up, she had this urgency to go and take care of her ill mother. There was more but that's all that needed to “knock me off my feet” in astonishment. There was only like 2 other 18 or 19 year old girls there. I was the only one with an ill mom. I don't remember much after that. All I know is I woke up, flat on the ground, weeping as if it were coming from the depths of my being.
I opened my eyes only to see people all around me. I was so shook up not knowing what had happened to me it caused me to begin to panick. There was this man, Wayne, who asked me what was bothering me and what I wanted God to free me from. In that moment, not even knowing why I was saying it, I mustered out the word, "fear." From this point on, God began revealing to me how much of an issue it had been in my life.
Recently, it has been brought to my attention again. I was driving home from work the other night and the Lord asked me if I trusted Him. Me being the "strong woman" that I am said "Of course Lord." He asked me if I would trust Him if ____ happened and took me through multiple scenarios. I must be honest, at that very moment I had two things happen. First of all, I was again challenged. Secondly, I realized that I'm not who I was even a year ago.
There will always be times when my faith and trust in God is stretched. This journey, though only the beginning has been and will continue to be one of them… but here's the deal…I now catch myself before the fear and doubt take over. I am aware and I rule my mind rather than any other force. I control what thoughts I allow to run rampant in my head.
I choose not to fear but to walk in complete trust and faith in my Lord and Savior.
What is ruling your heart and head? Is it the Word or the world?
