“She could never go back and make some of the details pretty. All she could do was move forward and make the whole beautiful.” -Terri St. Cloud
October 5th, 2015
I read this quote in a book that I’m reading.
I found that it is very suiting for me. Today marks one year since I’ve quit smoking cigarettes.
I have struggled with this addiction over the past ten years. There were seasons where it consumed my life. I became a slave to this habit. Whenever I was stressed, angry, upset, and even just bored this was my getaway. That place I would go to try to make some sense or reason of the issues around me. I needed this to make me feel normal.
There were multiple occasions where I would pray as I was smoking, “Lord, I know I’ll quit one day but I need your help.”
Well how many of you know that when you pray God always listens and sometimes he answers very quickly. That just so happened to be the case and I began to feel convicted to lay it down.
And then those thoughts began creeping in…….
How can I ever quit?
What if I dont want to quit?
Why doesn’t God just zap me and rid me of this addiction?
What will I do when I’m angry or upset?
And the list continued. I was so consumed in my head with all these questions. And if you’ve ever struggled with any sort of addiction you know what I mean. In my heart God was tenderly telling me that everything would be okay but I couldn’t get passed the thoughts in my head.
I knew he was right and I tried several times to quit, somehow managing to always pick it back up. Smoking was defining my life and I knew that it was damaging my body but I still continued to do it.
Then one day at church there was a woman who was visiting for the weekend to teach a sermon while the pastor was out. She spoke of having strength in the Lord regardless of the circumstances.
Hmmmm….did I have strength. Well yeah, sure I did. So why then was I still wearing these chains that were heavy and burdening? Good question
She kept repeating, “nevertheless,” over and over until finally something broke inside me. Today was the. I was done letting this control my life. I was quiting!
Realizing my strength in the Lord I prayed, laid down the cigarettes, and am sitting here today writing to you all about my day of celebration!!!!!
Today I am celebrating one year of freedom. Another year of life.
Slavanaborga! (Praise the Lord)
Were there days that were hard? Absolutely! There were multiple occasions where I almost gave up. But thats when I knew I had to press into Him. Pray, pray, and then pray.
God knew that my own free will was in the way of my freedom. He knew that I needed him to continue gently reminding me that what I was doing was taking years off of my life.
He helped me understand that I should seek Him in times of anger, sadness, and even in boredom. When things aren’t quite right that is the time to seek and really press into Abba instead of seeking out other, harmful ways.
Now today as I sit here in Bulgaria I can see why quitting was so important. God was there with me every step of the way, even on the bad days, continuing to be my strength. Breaking the chains that held me for far to long. Giving me freedom from the chains of addiction.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. -Psalms 73:26
***A few extra tidbits:
*We are currently helping with an at risk women’s conference. We are serving by cooking, cleaning, and chatting with the the ladies.
*In a few short days we will be traveling to Romania for our second ministry month. More info to come.
***Ways you can be involved:
Fundraising:
I have another fundraising goal to meet on October 31st. I currently have about $1400 more to raise. If you feel lead to donate please click the support me tab above.
Prayer:
For the ladies here at the conference, that they would hear clear direction from the Lord for their lives and be encouraged from their time together here.
For the Mission Possible organization, that they would continue to spread God’s love throughout Bulgaria, Romania, and Russia
For our team, that we would continue to encourage one another and grow closer in community.
And for our squad, that we would all have see travels while traveling to all squad month in Romania.
THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR PRAYERS AND SUPPORT!!!!!
