I finally found where I belong.
It’s taken a
while. I’ve been on this journey with
Jesus for almost 15 years now. The past
few years I’ve moved around a bit. It
started in the US with Colorado and New York.
This past year I’ve lived in Romania, Moldova, Nepal, India, Tanzania,
Rwanda, Uganda, Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam and now Malaysia. There have been so many moments, even days
over the past 4 years where I’ve just felt like I don’t “fit� anywhere. Places where I used to fit so perfectly just
aren’t the same when I try to go back to them.
It can be a really weird and lonely feeling. No one likes those feelings. I hate striving to fit in or shrinking back because
I don’t feel good enough. I hate feeling
uneasy and discontent.
a beautiful sunrise in Georgetown, Penang
A big desire of my
heart is to be a woman at rest. A woman
that rests securely and confidently in her identity in her Father and draws
others into that rest. A woman that’s
not striving to be more or wishing she was less but who is comfortable in her
own skin, in her own giftings. I want to
be a woman that lives out of the truths of the Word and walks in the authority
that I’ve been given in Christ and calls others up into that. A woman that speaks truth passionately with
love and grace. A woman who’s not easily
offended and doesn’t keep a record of wrongs.
A woman of a gentle and quiet spirit.
A woman at rest in the arms of Jesus, in the lap of my Father.
“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided
hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner
self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth
in God’s sight. For this is the way the
holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves
beautiful.�
I Peter 3:3-5a (NIV)
This year the Lord has
really been growing me in that. India
and Africa were huge challenges for me in this area of being a woman at
rest. I found myself angry and defensive
so many times because of the way my sisters and I were treated by many of the
local men. I found myself being the very
person that I despised; angry and defensive.
Not very becoming for a woman desiring to be a reflection of Christ and
His love.
the street where I live in Penang, Malaysia
Abba has been
teaching me more and more about what it means to be a woman at rest. Come to find out it’s actually wrapped up in
my identity. Interesting. How can I be at rest when I don’t even like
myself at times? How can I be at rest
when I’m comparing myself with every other woman around me – her body, her
clothes, her personality, her friendships, even her relationship with the Lord? How can I be at rest when I function out of
stress and anxiety and insecurity instead of in peace and trust and assurance?
How can I be this
woman at rest? How can I find a place
where I truly fit, where I’m truly home?
The answer to both of these questions is actually wrapped up in one
sweet, simple answer, and this month I’ve found it. I’ve actually finally found the place where
I’ll belong forever and be the woman that God designed me to be.
It’s in the Father’s
presence.
a beautiful day in Georgetown
When I abide in His
presence He shows me more of who He is.
When I come to know more of who He truly is it’s then that I come to
truly know who I am. My identity is
completely wrapped up in who He is. It’s
in His presence, where I can sit with Him and talk with Him and listen and
rest, that I find myself at home. I find
myself belonging. I find myself
completely at rest. All striving and
discontentment are gone.
“May those who love You be secure.
May there be peace within your walls and security within your citadels.�
Psalm 122:6b (NIV)
This doesn’t mean
that I’ve got it all figured out. It
doesn’t mean that I operate out of these truths every second of every day. I’m still human. I still mess up and miserably fail. But the more I know Him, the more I know who
I am and how He sees me and what He’s molding me to be. It’s beautiful. I am beautiful. You are beautiful. We are created to abide in Him. We are created to crave the deepest of
relationships with our Creator, our Father.
It’s only in Him we’ll find complete satisfaction.
a sunset walk home
I’m pretty excited
about this actually. This truth that I’ve
known for so long but not really known.
I finally found where
I belong, and I’m going to stay here. It’s
the sweetest thing. I couldn’t ask for
more.
If you’re not already
here, you should come because it’s pretty amazing. Abba wants you to. I promise you He does. He has big arms and more than enough love to
go around. His strong tender hands can
wipe away all your tears and brush away all your anxieties and fears. Just crawl up into His lap. He’ll gently affirm you and tell you who you
are. It’s the safest place you’ll ever
be.
When I sit with You,
at Your table Father, in Your approval and blessing with pride for me beaming
in Your eyes – it changes everything. I’m
safer than I’ve ever been. I’m more at
peace. I know who I am because I know
who I belong to. I KNOW You. I’m happy and content. I’m Your precious daughter.
