This month I think I have gaining a greater appreciation for people who do ministry on a full time basis. I never thought I would be easy but I did think because I made the choice to give this year of life to actively doing ministry that this would be something I would want to do. It turns out that is not the case. At least not this month.
This month our scheduled ministry is very slow. If we have anything schedule that day it is only for a few hours. We are living in the middle of no where. The closest grocery store is a two hour bus ride away. There is no internet and at the moment no water. There are seemingly no people around either, except for the one or two you see walking from a house to the small convenient store or the 10 to 30 children that flood our yard around 1pm some days.
At this point in the Race fatigue is setting in hard and fast. Home is so close yet so far away. All I want is for someone to tell me where to go, when to be there, and what to do. I don’t want to go out and make my own ministry. After all, we are supposed to be partnering with the ministry that is already happening not creating our own. Right?
I find myself struggling to create ministry. The few ideas my team and I have come up with have been met with enthusiasm but when we ask when we can do them we get no answer. So I find myself doing nothing. Sitting at my home reading or watching movies, spending time with the Lord, napping or just doing nothing.
No one prepares you for the days in which you are bored out of your mind or tired because you have been traveling for nine straight months, pouring yourself out in every way, and living with the bare minimum at times. You have had your heart break for strangers, been sick in little mountain villages, pulled more weeds than anyone should, and seen some of the most breathtaking secrecy one could ever imagine. In your nine months of travel you have seen great wealth and extreme poverty, at times right next door to each other and seen or heard of great injustices. You’ve been on the highest of highs, the lowest of lows, and everywhere in between.
This month I feel like is my advent season. My waiting period before the Lord shows up. Not to say that this month is simply for me to wait around for something to happen but I can’t help but feel like something big is coming. Something amazing. I am itching for the next thing. I am tempted to start planning for what is next. But I can’t. Something stops me. Each time I go to write down plans for after the Race a small voice says “stay with me here. It’s not time to think about those things yet” and I have to believe that voice is the voice of the Lord.
I believe there is still something great the lord has in store for this month. I still believe there is time to really invest in the people here. I have to believe that even in all the time that we are seemingly doing nothing that the Lord is doing something. He is working in our hearts, teams, and in our squad as whole. Doing something greater than we can see.
So I will wait. I will read. I will watch movies. I will spend time with the Father. I will continue saying hello to all the passers by on my morning runs or afternoon walks. Hoping and praying that the Lord is moving, even if I never see it.
